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Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

0 posted 2006-11-07 10:24 PM

- Have I? -

An empty space crowds my grace as a tear of fear falls from my lonely face
A shipwrecked heart floats in the dark
Hidden emotions breaking free
All these fears jumping into me

No control over the past
No control of tomorrow
If I need to jump will you be there to catch my fall?
If I run away will you be standing there telling me its okay?
There doesn't seem to be any more hope
Nothing - nope nothing at all
Im cold
Im numb
Nothings there - nothing can be done

I don't think I hurt
I don't see the reason to cry
I don't see my dream in front of my eyes
My life's fading
My minds racing
I cant take this no more
I need another drink

I cant see why
I cant see how
I cant see where im heading now

Im stumbling over myself
I cant figure these directions out
The roads becoming fussy
Slowly fading into nothing

I fall over my own mistakes
Somehow making more hurdles for myself
As my vision gets dark
I take one last look around
At all I lost
At all I crossed

Blanking out now
...
Don't know when or if I will ever wake up
Is it done..have I finally had enough and given up?

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

1 posted 2006-11-08 10:20 AM

This is a really good write. I enjoyed reading this piece over the other one(Dead).

Good job!

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2006-11-08 03:28 PM

Wow, amazing piece of work here. From rythm to meter to flow to idea to image to emotion. Adding to library, very nice.

WEll done.
But Hurdles didnt really fit to me.
Dunno.

RHIA

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

3 posted 2006-11-09 11:48 PM

Hey, thanks to all of you! Anymore ideas? or anything?

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

Jess
Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 243
Washington

4 posted 2006-12-05 10:30 PM

I think maybe you should scrap all the rhyming in the first few lines. It seems a bit out of place.

yvetters_24
Member

since 2006-08-27

Posts 52
california

5 posted 2006-12-06 12:03 PM

wow that was awsome i really like it i've been filling the same way falling to far to stand up again but yeah i really like this thanx for sharing :)

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2006-12-10 08:55 PM

wow, i really liked that poem, it had a nice flow. tx for sharing...
hunnie

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

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