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anniep8806
New Member

since 2006-11-06

Posts 3
Texas, United States

0 posted 2006-11-06 10:26 PM

You don't understand me any more.

Of this one thing I am sure!

The last time we said goodbye,

I was leaving to live another life.

So tell me now,

Where do we stand?

Just friends is all that's left.

Your moving on,

and so is time.

Why can't we just belong?

It's always black,

never white.

You'd close the door with no regret.

How could our once great love have turned to this?

All the things that we did.

Looking back it seems like a dream,

of a far away land with extacy and sex.

The harsh reality that we both must face,

is not from our hearts,

but from an imaginary place.

As much as I want it back,

I must let it go.

For a travesty as big as ours should be left alone.

I won't shed one more tear,

at least I still have you in my life.

But there's just one thing I need to know,

if you still love me so?
-I haven't written in a long long time. Any one have any suggestions please let me know. I'm open to criticiszm. Thank you

Annie

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

1 posted 2006-11-07 10:33 PM

Hey there, I like this, its deep. But try not to block your emotions out in real life, if you feel the need to cry, over anything like this, do so. Even though it may not change the situation, it helps, somehow it does. I havent figured out how yet either, just I hate to think even if your over this person, that you would block away any tears. Lol, okay im too random right now. Good job i like it!

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-11-10 12:34 PM

try not to have so many spaces it makes it harder to read. but anyway WELCOME TO PIP...
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

3 posted 2006-11-10 08:16 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please check your e-mail for a special greeting.

You may burn my flag... only after you wrap yourself in it first.
www.myspace.com/mindlesspoet

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-11-10 09:23 AM

Hi anniep8806,

Welcome to the teen forum of passions! It's awesome to see another person joining in

I agree with honey, on the spaces, it might be better if you changed it so there were stanzas instead? Just a thought though... I loved the ideas behind the poem but felt that it was a little stiff coming out. That could just be from me though.

Thanks for sharing! And once again welcome

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

5 posted 2006-11-10 02:19 PM

I agree with stargal, it seemd off and not too loose to me. it would make more sense for you to put it into stanzas instead.
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