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Teen Poetry #8

ceiling stare

Aeris Nicole
Junior Member

since 2003-08-18

Posts 21

0 posted 2006-11-05 06:04 PM

i never win the battles
that break me down inside
they overrule my soul
overtake my mind
i'm crying on the outside
inside i'm bleeding deep
you always seem to hold
the promise i can't keep
you turn the world against me
no way to gain control
breath by breath i'm fading
soon i know i'll fold

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

1 posted 2006-11-05 07:17 PM

sweet write! loved it!

Aeris Nicole
Junior Member

since 2003-08-18

Posts 21

2 posted 2006-11-06 02:14 PM

thanks

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2006-11-09 11:49 PM

good flow liked this piece...
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

4 posted 2006-11-10 02:29 PM

Except for the last line it all was strong and kept it up well. It seemed to have simlar meter all through out too. I would divide it up into stanzas though.

Also I don't get the title?
help

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