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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2006-10-25 11:35 PM

Forever Fading Away

If they all knew me, they wouldn't be so cruel.
If somebody believed me, the tears wouldn't fall.
I wouldn’t be the girl I am, I wouldn’t hide away in fear.
I wouldn't clutch to emptiness, I'd have someone to hold me near.

There’s something deep inside me, It makes me want to pray.
That every single inch of me, Will soon be washed away.
Never to return again, Then maybe they’ll see.
The warm loving spirit, That they let bleed from me.

The tears will keep on falling, The smile is upside down,
I begin to wonder who I am, Why my life is dark and drowned.
Can somebody save me, From what ill never be.
Can anybody help me, To be just plain old me?

I reckon if they'd listened, I wouldn't be laying on the ground.
Waiting to be rescued, Listening, hearing the siren sound.
The dark deep memories, Are sailing into space.
My thoughts and beliefs are fading, Into an empty place.
My breath slowly leaking, My emotions getting lost.
My heart is slowly breaking, At all dying costs.

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

1 posted 2006-10-26 11:10 AM

There’s something deep inside me, It makes me want to pray.
That every single inch of me, Will soon be washed away.

i LOOOoooOOOve how that part sounds...perfect rhythym -- ((however you spell it...)) although very saddening...=* ( ...but good write...hmmm...that didn't really help...sry, i'm not good at critiques...

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2006-10-26 11:16 AM

Very good poem nothing I would change

PoetrySinger
Member

since 2006-10-16

Posts 54

3 posted 2006-10-27 01:42 PM

deep thoughts, great wirte, you expresses your self well and clearly. gr8 write keep up the good work I wan an encore! bravo

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-10-28 12:28 PM

The dark deep memories, Are sailing into space.
My thoughts and beliefs are fading, Into an empty place.
My breath slowly leaking, My emotions getting lost.
My heart is slowly breaking, At all dying costs.

this was my favorite part of the poem i thought it had a beautiful flow. i loved you poem. hope to read more soon...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

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