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Teen Poetry #8
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Looks Can Forever Be Deciveing
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Looks Can Forever Be Deciveing |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia 
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A grey old man lives just near us His house just outside from where I catch the bus Everybody hates him; they say that he is wicked My friends tell me he watches us, even when we are in bed. You never seem to worry about what we feel As long as we don’t bother you, you promise you won’t as well We grip to those memories, sad but true As a short old man helps paint your house blue. You’ve lived here now for 67 years You have raised your kids and dried their tears I’ve seen you smile across at me But you quickly turn so that I can’t see You never venture from your home You just sit in the rocking chair with no tendencies to roam Everyone thinks bad thoughts of you And until today I did too A small girl was grabbed by a man in black You raced from your rocking chair whilst she fought back You belted him with your walking cane Your frail bones fought him off, as the girl ran free through the rain. You thought you had won; he was lying on the ground, But as you walked off, he stood looking proud He pulled a gun from his blue vest He cocked it and pulled the trigger with zest. I ran to your side at an instant Blood pouring from the wound, that wasn’t noticeable from a distance I searched for a pulse, it was faint but still their As you raised your head and replied “Thank god you’re here” I smiled at you for the very first time And I saw your beauty the same way you saw mine I sang you a lullaby as you slowly let life float away “Thankyou, My sweet dear”, your kindness I will repay Tears fell from my face and bathed your skin You were slowly dying and it hurt me within Today I learnt a lesson in life, You will never truly realise the courage from a strange man until he is in strife Looks can be deceiving And someone’s spirit can be forever missing reason |
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| © Copyright 2006 A Typical Aussie Chick - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Wow, did not know where this was going at first, but the ending blew me away as did the rest. The ryming was rather forced in this. Some of the lines were kinda cheesy to. It could be shorter you don't need as much about the hate. One and a half stanza with more detail would work. THis has a really good outline of ideas but the stuffing needs work and more details. |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
you really have a good out look on life. it reflects in your poetry. the depth and perception of this piece was eradicating, it really made me re-think my morels, my beliefs, and my inner thoughts about those who seem to be what they ar not. you are a very interesting poet because you really show alot of character in your work. i really like this. I also want to say that you are a very amazing poet and that no matter what you should never stop writing cause if you do ill find you and ill slap you...LOL ok maybe not but you get the point right? thanks for sharing ~Tempest~ |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
this was honestly so amazing, it had a beautiful outlook and a very nice story behind it thanks for sharing, hope to read more soon... hunnie*  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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damo451 Junior Member
since 2006-12-29
Posts 18Western Australia |
This is a great outlook on life. I don't feel angry at that teacher anymore. Sounds kinda childish but i used to think she was the White Witch from Narnia :P ~Poetry occurs when the heart, mind and soul combine to produce sweet words, which in turn, heal the hearts, minds and souls of others~ |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
i thought it was going in the total opposite direction. i've seen people be what i thought they were not some times it hurts, other times i smile. it was wonderful thank you for sharing. -Whitteny "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it |
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