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Teen Poetry #8
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Um.........
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Um......... |
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~Jonnybalze223~ New Member
since 2006-09-19
Posts 5 |
I was riding down the road The road towards maturity I turned 15 and thought I was there The road found was a dead end The place I knew was never again I strengthened my heart Grew back limbs of steel Broke down the old Brought in the new Looking down Never looking up I stumbled upon a dream A dream to redeem Thought I was in loved Everything came to an end With me riding behind My loved ones, all my friends Can I not make a move? A move towards finding myself Without crashing into the ground Bring with time my conscious My life, my soul, me and my center Until today I never knew who I was This place I’m at can’t get any better I’ve made those mistakes Those bad choices Meeting her made my life become part of me She helped me find myself In return I give her my all, my heart Peacefully I return the consideration That maybe this is it The best chance to find it My dreams, my love, me I love her without a doubt A doubt in my mind In troubled times She will always be there to hold Forever you’ll be my support I love you more than you know With good intension and room to grow Yours and my life cant get much better Glade to have meant you You’re my baby and nothing more than me Finally there, to catch up, to watch me breath To spend a lifetime in eternity With my lover… my beautiful lover I Have no idea i didnt stop at all it just like went from my brain and shot out of my finger tips, i just wanted to know if anyone could make any since out of all this?????? |
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| © Copyright 2006 ~Jonnybalze223~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Yeah kind of. First of alll this is not one poem. The part about the road, nice idea and twist, it intereste me but that needs to be seperate. That needs more imagery, less telling. Stop using abstract ideas, use things we can picture and see . I thought the title was fitting because it was so confusing and needed more before you can title it. The second part seemed sweet. It needs more imagery and show\tell us how this happens. How did you find her? We don't know. This is not a poem that you can have it be concluding, that you love them or you found your inner soul. It doesn't really tell us what happens except briefly. More detail here and less abstract nouns and ideas. Hope this helps RHIA |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
With good intension and room to grow, that line just, i don't know it got to me i really liked that line it just came together, although there were a bit of spelling/ grammar errors in the poem like intension is acually intentions. i acually haven't seen one of your poems in this forum lately so thanx for sharing... but i liked this poem... hunnie*  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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