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Teen Poetry #8
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powerxxx
Junior Member
since 2006-09-21
Posts 17


0 posted 2006-10-17 06:57 AM


not very well written , but hope you like it
---
This world, strange
Destany, unexpected
And people unpredictable
Who could have thought things could trun around in such an instant ?
Call it fate
It's humanity's only true mate
And the opening of everybodies fate
Fate that unknown date
As simple as sitting near lake
Everything could turn out just fake
not i nor you could give this life a rate
It's too late
To turn down fate
The dicision we choose builds our fate
And some of us could never throw away his hate towards his gate entitled
"Your Fate"
but wait ...
It's not for those nor for anybody to decide where we end up and with who we might end up with
My hands are the same as yours
We build our own future , our own fates
And we may sameday see our fate being destroyed by our destany
But as for destany , it builds it self from our fates
Never surrender to your destany
You choose the path you walk in
With your own hands , Your own will
My friend , live to see that future And
Choose Your Fate
And Build Your Destany

© Copyright 2006 powerxxx - All Rights Reserved
PoetrySinger
Member
since 2006-10-16
Posts 54

1 posted 2006-10-17 10:22 AM


your poem has so much meaning between the lines just keep up the good work and it will get better with each time


rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-10-17 12:08 PM


Destany is actually destiny. The ryming seems really forced when there is ryming , it also doesn't make sense. As for the idea and the set up I actually liked the idea and that it wasnt too organized. Fate isn't that organized either so it is fitting.


You need to devolop the idea a little bit more.

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