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pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

0 posted 2006-10-16 08:51 PM

The pain is deep inside
Its hard to try and hide
But it must stay unknown for right now.
I thought I was destined to be with you
I thought you were destined to love me to,
But you never really tried did you?

I remember lying with you
On that grass, covered with dew.
I gripped you close as you shivered on my shoulder.
You whispered in my ear,
The words, they came in clear,
But you didn't mean what you said did you?

I remember our first kiss,
It is a memory I will miss,
But it hurts to think of you right now.
We breathed at a steady pace,
As I leaned into your face,
But you wish it never happened don't you?

I remember not knowing what to say
When you broke my heart that day,
The pieces fell crashing to the ground.
I felt alone once more,
As you walked out the door,
But you don't really care, do you?

My love for you has run cold
But the memories I will have to hold
Because you are to hard to erase.
I won't cry for you at night,
I won't call you my shining light,
Because you never really cared, did you?

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-10-17 12:15 PM

This could use some more description beside what it has.

My love for you has run cold
But the memories I will have to hold
Because you are to hard to erase.
I won't cry for you at night,
I won't call you my shining light,
Because you never really cared, did you?

Love this!

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2006-10-17 03:25 PM

Umm...I'll be 100% honest on this one...it just made me cry. Normally I can tell where a poets coming from, but very very rarely does someone really hit a soft emotion. You did. This is by far my favorite from you...prolly because I understand it way too well.

I guess what got me was how you started every line with a lovable sense, of something that you loved and something you thought was there, but ended it by adding a question regarding everything you'd previously said. That was more powerful than anything else in this poem.

Very nicely done. Wow.

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2006-10-17 05:31 PM

Suggestion to the title why dont you put a question mark at the end , since you end the last line of each stanza as a question.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-10-18 12:25 PM

I remember not knowing what to say
When you broke my heart that day,
The pieces fell crashing to the ground.
I felt alone once more,

i am speechless that was a beautiful poem.
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

PoetrySinger
Member

since 2006-10-16

Posts 54

5 posted 2006-10-18 01:36 PM

Here's a new beggining for anyone to try it then post it see if it works out ok just trying to help get back to me and check out mine!!

many a men have faded away
but the memory is here to
stay of how you and me
spend are days Just... finish it!!

*wishfull*thinking*
Junior Member

since 2006-09-03

Posts 33
north east of england

6 posted 2006-10-18 02:17 PM

omg i am so touched i truly loved it i mean it i thought it was wonderfull!!!!!i can totally see where you are coming from, if you know what i mean i was in your shoes...

loved it hope to see more of you

love
dani
x

Cause all we know is falling, it falls.
Remember how, cause I know that we won't forget at all.

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never

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