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Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

0 posted 2006-10-07 10:04 AM

Shattered like glass
Spilling like ink
A swirl of emotions
Standing at the brink
Silence that speaks loudly
A head still held up proudly
Feelings of unease that twist
Chains wrapped around wrists
Dark clouds hanging in sky
Thunder raging behind black eyes
Unvoiced emotions screaming out loud
Feeling's of loneliness lost in the crowd
Blood so thick it threatens to choke
Inside a heart that is too broke
Betrayal still fresh on the mind
Hate and pain are all that is left behind
Child once in a field of flowers
Now lives in a world of insanity all hours

The feelings here are all that are left
And everything else is considered a threat

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-10-07 03:36 PM

Wow, very nice imagery, loved the descriptiveness

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

2 posted 2006-10-08 03:46 AM

I loved this one Kira. Probably my favourite one by you so far.

It's in my library.

"The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun."

One God by The Beautiful South

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

3 posted 2006-10-09 12:58 PM

(Blushes) I'm happy you liked. Truthfully this is my favorite poem too. I wrote it when I was feeling unusually creative.
And since then it's always been one of my most 'Beloved' poems. Because it is everything I've felt and maybe a little more...

Thank you both for commenting!

Lots of luv!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-10-10 11:59 AM

"The feelings here are all that are left
And everything else is considered a threat "

This part would be one of my favorites in the whole poem! Although, I'd be hard pressed to pick a very favorite part, it's all so good.

I agree with rhia, the descriptivness of the poem was nice. I liked how you were able to describe everything, yet, still keep it together, keep the theme of the poem. Very nicely written on your part.

Thanks for sharing this piece!

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

idntcareifudntcare
Junior Member

since 2006-10-18

Posts 18
BC, Canada

5 posted 2006-10-18 01:13 AM

wow...

xxx

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