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Teen Poetry #8
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Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-10-03 01:57 PM



Stains on my hands
what have i done
thiese were all good intentions
when i begun

but then something changed
along the way
now theres too many mistakes
i live with day by day

and now i hear them in a crowd
yelling every word of my life out loud
every thought
every voice
every sound
every choice
its all here and i cant change

This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
nostalgic*pride
Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122
NowhereVille
1 posted 2006-10-03 02:15 PM


Hmm, I really like this one. Reminds me of the old saying, 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'Great job.
Brittany
Junior Member
since 2006-09-26
Posts 32
Canada
2 posted 2006-10-03 04:34 PM


I like this, it was different. I could feel the emotion in it, I really liked it, good job!

~Life Ain't Always Beautiful~

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
3 posted 2006-10-03 11:42 PM


YAY!!!! you're back i missed reading your poems sooooooo much! Now y'all better thank me for this cuz i told Tempest that if he didn't come back to Teen Poetry that we were gonna come to his house with underwear on our heads and lipstick on our cheeks and embarass him ha-ha just kidding... but now he knows what i'll do if he stops posting here ha-ha.... Anywho, Tempest i loved your poem i dunno after not reading them for so long them seem really, well missed hope to read more soon...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
4 posted 2006-10-04 12:57 PM


"Stains on my hands
what have i done
thiese were all good intentions
when i begun"


Now the tempest I have read is back! This poem reminds me of your others, in the style, the force behind the words.

I found this poem to be a very enjoyable read. I can relate in many ways to the stanza above^^...

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino            @-->---

tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world
5 posted 2006-10-17 07:33 PM


Stains on my hands
what have i done
thiese were all good intentions
when i begun


Only thing I'd change about this whole poem is that last line. The tense threw me off, shouldn't it have been "began"? I know you were trying to rhyme with done, but to me that's the only part that threw me off. Other than that, very amazing write.

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!
6 posted 2006-10-19 09:28 PM


i wrote this piece after many long times of depretion.(diagnosed, you know the real kind) after much thought and alot of debate with my self i decided to post this piece. i just thought i should tell you the story behind the piece.
                     ~Tempest~

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