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NCCXC86
Junior Member

since 2006-09-25

Posts 18
Michigan

0 posted 2006-09-28 11:50 PM

What ever happened?
When did we lose the spark?
When did the flame die down?
When did the light give way to the dark?

I still dream at night.
But my hope is worn thin.
I dream of you.
You dream of him.

Why him and not me?
What did I do wrong?
You destroyed my life.
And then told me to go and be strong.

I want to hate you.
I've denied it for too long.
I loved you with all my heart.
How could I have been so wrong?

I writhe in pain tonight.
Does it matter what I've said?
Are much happier now?
When you're making love in HIS bed.

How does it feel now?
Is he everything you want?
I swear my heart is on fire.
IS HE EVERYTHING I'M NOT?

What ever happened?
Why did we lose the spark?
Why did the flame die down?
Why did the light give way to the dark?

Tell me.

Please...

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-09-29 12:04 PM

Rather emotional poem to read but it gets the feelings across to the reader, which makes it interesting to read. I’m guessing this is based off a real life experience just from how you write it?

Btw- since I haven’t read any of your poems before now I’m going to go ahead and say welcome to passions! Yes, I’m a little behind in my welcome I admit, I’ve been away for awhile and I didn’t want to miss out on welcoming you! Keep up the writing

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

Sarka
Junior Member

since 2006-09-21

Posts 23
Canada

2 posted 2006-09-29 11:08 AM

Very emotional poem. I really liked how the beginning and end were the same. It gave the poem closure.

~If we didn't have any bad days, we wouldn't appreciate the good ones~

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2006-09-30 12:43 PM

yes, a very emotional write. i found it hard to pick out a favorite part so i picked this stanza it just reached out and said pick me pick me.

What ever happened?
Why did we lose the spark?
Why did the flame die down?
Why did the light give way to the dark?

my favorite stanza it flowes very well and i could kind of relate to this good poem hope to read more soon...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

4 posted 2006-09-30 04:37 AM

good point to the poem and i love the repetition of the first and last stanzas sometimes the sparks die down and it hurts but like a friend of mine said ... while you are looking for someone they are also looking for you at the same time just wait. when you find them it will be an outstanding feeling.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2006-09-30 06:41 PM

"How does it feel now?
Is he everything you want?
I swear my heart is on fire.
IS HE EVERYTHING I'M NOT?"

I can just FEEL the emotion coming from you when you wrote this. I agree with Laura, the repitition you had throughout the poem was excellent. Great job.

~Alli~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2006-10-01 05:49 PM

Very nice write , except in

light give way to the dark

it works beter as

light give way to dark.

All in all very nice poem. You have talent. This is the best I have seen by you so far. Nice write.

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