My Love is Like a Star - pipTalk Forums

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pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

0 posted 2006-09-28 06:57 AM

I lie awake in bed,
In a room that is dark and cold.
I gaze outside my window,
To the stars that shine so bold.

Thoughts of you run through my mind,
As the light comes shining through.
I wish we didn’t have to fight,
I wish it could be just me and you.

I wish we could lie together,
And stare at the stars alone.
This feeling will not leave my soul,
What it is can not be known.

I wish we could claim a star,
We could call it our very own.
We could gaze at it together,
And our love, it could be shown.

My love for you is like a star,
It shines through all the night,
In hopes that some day it will be seen,
When the moment is just right.

So I hope some day you will find this star,
And then maybe you will see,
The star that shines the brightest,
Is me, and only me.

Ya I know that this is not one of my best, but I was lying in bed last night, and I felt like I had to write this, so tell me what you think.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

1 posted 2006-09-28 08:33 AM

I think this is really good! Honest! Kind of reminds me of my style too. Really love it!!!

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2006-09-28 11:38 AM

I have to agree, this may be your best that I have read of your writings.

I lie awake in bed,
In a room that is dark and cold. (wonderful imagery there)
I gaze outside my window,
To the stars that shine so bold. (nice.)

Thoughts of you run through my mind,
As the light comes shining through.  (good imagery)
I wish we didn’t have to fight,
I wish it could be just me and you.

I wish we could lie together,
And stare at the stars alone.
This feeling will not leave my soul,
What it is can not be known.  (a bit confusing there)

I wish we could claim a star, (nice wording)
We could call it our very own.
We could gaze at it together,
And our love, it could be shown.

My love for you is like a star, (I like the comparison to a star)
It shines through all the night, (I can see this picture,)
In hopes that some day it will be seen,(question if it shines so bold why does it hope to be seen?)
When the moment is just right.

So I hope some day you will find this star, (this is sweet)
And then maybe you will see,
The star that shines the brightest,
Is me, and only me.

Very nice ending here, thank you for actually having punctuation too.

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

3 posted 2006-09-28 02:35 PM

I wanted to pick out one part of the poem that I liked, but I simply couldn't. The entire poem was absolutely amazing. You really are a very talented person.

And- thank you, so much. You are proof that not every guy in the world is a jerk. (You and Byron that is... nevermind) So, thanks for sharing this with us.

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

4 posted 2006-09-28 07:17 PM

I'd have to say not one of my favorites by you and the ending threw me off a bit. The whole poem you were talking about how your love is like a star, yet you ended it with saying you were the brightest star. I really loved the idea though and thought that your imagery was amazing. Keep it up!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-09-29 12:28 PM

I agree that the ending kind of throws you off. Is it that you are saying your love for this person is like a star and they don't love you back so you hope they will one day see that you are the star and love you? Or your saying I love me and only me because I'm a star? Yeah... I'm a bit confused.

I liked the poem though! The comparison to a star was a wonderful set of images to read. It is a very sweet poem...

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

6 posted 2006-09-29 06:36 AM

Thanks for the criticism guys, and to clarify, I was trying to say that the my star (my love) was the brightest, if that makes any sense.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

7 posted 2006-09-30 04:29 AM

i think lying in bed is the best time to come up with things! that and driving long trips

in_luv_06
New Member

since 2006-09-30

Posts 9

8 posted 2006-09-30 02:34 PM

aww...i luved this poem. its so sweet.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

9 posted 2006-09-30 06:48 PM

"The star that shines the brightest,
Is me, and only me."

I personally loved that ending and enjoyed the poem. Nice one.

~Alli~

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