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Teen Poetry #8
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powerxxx
Junior Member
since 2006-09-21
Posts 17


0 posted 2006-09-26 07:03 AM



pieces are falling
i can't seem to make them stay

wings shatter
and i just sit here as if it doen't matter

there's something changing in me
something growning inside of me

i swear i don't want this
i swear i don't need this

hate
hate
and hate
gives me nothing but anger
and misjudgment

my thoughts turn around me saying
where was love
where was care

in my time of need
noone there
nothing anywhere

things that were bad
turned in time to the worse

sitting here
i lost all hope
i lost everything i ever hoped for

but as i was about to stand up
with my sad face

i saw someone smile to me
and ask me if something was wrong
if i was okay

due this surprise
i stood still
not even a word came out of my mouth

it was the first time
anybody asked me that

she was the first to do so
she was the first to care about me

it was her who changed me
it was her smile which kept me going

i never thought
a smile could make me happy

i never thought
a smile could give me hope

i never thought
a smile could be so warm

a smile that belongs to her
a smile that could change the world

© Copyright 2006 powerxxx - All Rights Reserved
nick_lyss
Member
since 2006-08-21
Posts 88

1 posted 2006-09-26 10:35 AM


its a powerful poem.this one is my favorite
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-09-26 10:49 AM


It could use puntuation . Powerful, but in places its a little redundant. The ending was the best, it was together and good. The rest of it could use some work though.
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
3 posted 2006-09-27 10:18 PM


in my time of need
noone there
nothing anywhere

i liked this stanza the best it seemed to flow well. Overall i thought this was a really good poem. good post...hope to read more...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

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