»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #8
»
please stop!!!
| Teen Poetry #8 |
|
please stop!!! |
|
|
*wishfull*thinking* Junior Member
since 2006-09-03
Posts 33north east of england |
please, stop! your're hurting me. can't you just let it drop? leave me be. the bruises go, what about mentally? i try to not let them show. did you think of me physically? i saw it all, it came out of the blue. i didnt know who to call, i never expected this from you. it all happened so fast. they wanted a statement, how long is this gonna last? what about my placement. forget us thats what life does move forward looking to bliss was known as poiseandrationality and sinsandtragdegies but long story |
||
| © Copyright 2006 -x-dani-x- - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
nostalgic*pride Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122NowhereVille |
Hmm, this is good. I'm not completely certain I understand it... but I like it... Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~J.K. Rowling, "The Parting of the Ways," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fi |
||
|
buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
Ok, i liked it, it wasn't one of your best for sure, but it was ok. i was a little confused..im not sure i understood exactly what was going on. it was a little confusing for me to read [which doesn't mean its confusing cause mostly everything is confusing to me]. .but maybe go back and try to make it easier for people at pip to read...if you want of course, because writing poetry is for yourself, for you to understand, so i guess as long as it makes sense to you its great! [this was all over the place, sorry, my brain is crazy today, i can't get anything straight, so i hope none of this offends you] ~missy |
||
|
*wishfull*thinking* Junior Member
since 2006-09-03
Posts 33north east of england |
yea i see what ya mean it was bit confusing but thats just the way it was any ideas in how to make it better???? wishfullxthinkning |
||
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
This is where it got confusing. What about my placement (placement doesn't make sense here at all, seems like you put it there just to have a ryme. forget us thats what life does move forward looking to bliss Did not get it at all, this stanza seemed weak compared to the strength of the rest of the poem. Rethink the ending, this one either does not fit the poem, or needs more to it and needs to not be the ending. Saw it coming out of the blue. Saw what? You know, we don't. Give an example of what it is, the line is meaningless, if we are just reading words not knowing what is behinds the words. Reread the poem, as many places as you can try to Show don't just tell us. That gets boring, if you show us we can picture it in our mind, opens up a whole new world of your poem for us. I promise that Showing not telling helps. I was told that by someone, and immediatly it helped some of my poetry(I don't post all of my poems here at Teen. The other stuff goes in CA. You have talent, Wishfull, but now there are technique things that could help. (Believe me I am in the same boat. Just trying to tell you some stuff that helped me. Believe Me , I am not at all an expert, I am learning too. ) Best of luck |
||
|
nick_lyss Member
since 2006-08-21
Posts 88 |
it was a little confusing. good luck |
||
hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
i acually thought i understood except for some parts but my favorite stanza was; i saw it all, it came out of the blue. i didnt know who to call, i never expected this from you. i thought that had a really good flow and made sense... yea not your best but it was good. hope to read more soon... hunnie*  A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
