i Just smiled! - pipTalk Forums

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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-09-23 05:37 PM

as i walk the ocean
i can hear your voice say
"i've loved you forever and ever
never steal my heart and walk away, please stay

captivate my soul
love me every day
give your heart to me
because you set my heart ablaze

my love, never go away
i need you here to carry on
please darling understand, im trying to tell you
i can't live without you, ill die if you're gone

oh baby, if you only knew
how much i need your smile to live
if you only could give in to me
if only you'd forgive. . .

i only wanna make
you happy like i once did
please love me
don't let your heart forbid it. . .

please give me
a second chance ill change
i promise you
if you give me your love in exchange"

so i walk the ocean
realizing once again
i just left you,
alone to grow up and be a man.

walking with the sand between my toes
rain falls down and now i know
ill be fine, cause i said no!
and i sit down by the ocean as the wind blows.

and then
i just smile,
finally i smiled!
once again.

wwzwlmd8
Member

since 2006-09-23

Posts 96
San Diego,CA

1 posted 2006-09-24 01:40 AM

I think you did great and your poem was really really great, I enjoyed reading it. Hope you have more poems I can read.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-09-24 01:55 AM

yah you did a great job with this poem i loved it good ending too...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

3 posted 2006-09-24 06:01 PM

thank you so much y'all! im glad i've got one okay one to post lately!ha, ttyl.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2006-09-24 06:22 PM

"and then
i just smile,
finally i smiled!
once again."

I loved that, I think it was a great ending. I did find that the flow in the poem was a little off in some parts, but overall I think this was a good write by you. Nice job.

~Alli~

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

5 posted 2006-09-25 10:40 AM

thank you so much alli!

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