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Teen Poetry #8
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tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2006-09-18 12:27 PM



Tear me down, make me fall,
Ignore my pains, ignore my calls.

The blackness is closing, my eyelids are shut,
The darkness took over when life gave too much.

I gave it all up, my trust and my devotion,
But tried to hide behind a face that showed no emotion.

No those were not tears, only black streams of distress,
No my lips did not tremble when you left me heartless.

No my heart did not break for you when you left me on my own,
It only deepened the cracks already there, a more divided heart now shone.

You played with my head, tore at my heart,
Took my confidence and ripped it apart.

Your stupid little smile and your bright blue eyes,
Were the bottomless ocean that fell to my demise.

Manipulation was the lock, my heart was the key,
What a conniving locksmith you turned out to be.

I ignored all the signals, believed all the lies,
Liked to believe your words instead of my own mind’s cries.

It’s my own fault for falling for the "charming" guy,
I gave you more reason to continue with my one too many tries.

Carry on with your life, you’re so good at causing hurt and pain,
It’s so easy to carry on when my loss is your gain.


AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

© Copyright 2006 Erin - All Rights Reserved
krazy 4 her
Junior Member
since 2006-09-14
Posts 38
Your parent's front porch
1 posted 2006-09-18 03:20 PM


"You played with my head, tore at my heart,
Took my confidence and ripped it apart.

Your stupid little smile and your bright blue eyes,
Were the bottomless ocean that fell to my demise.

Manipulation was the lock, my heart was the key,
What a conniving locksmith you turned out to be."

This part of the poem was really and truly amazing. If I was not such a manly, 'tough' guy I might have cried. Maybe... just a little. If, you know, I wasn't the big man on campus.

pip_man
Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70
Canada
2 posted 2006-09-18 06:42 PM


I agree with everything Krazy 4 Her said, well pretty much everything lol. I thought this was another very well writen poem by you, and I can relate to it (although it was not a guy who broke my heart). But I hope to see more of your poems. Great write!  

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
3 posted 2006-09-18 10:12 PM


WOW another great poem by you...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
4 posted 2006-09-19 01:35 AM


"Your stupid little smile and your bright blue eyes,
Were the bottomless ocean that fell to my demise.

Manipulation was the lock, my heart was the key,
What a conniving locksmith you turned out to be."



Those were my two favorite stanzas.  I just loved the metaphors in them, especially when you mentioned about thier blue eyes being "bottomless oceans".

Overall, I really enjoyed this one!  


~Alli~

tearsoflove13762
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent
5 posted 2006-09-25 11:43 PM


seriously girl dont we always write what each other are going through? loved it once again

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