navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » Too late
Teen Poetry #8
Post A Reply Post New Topic Too late Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-09-14 09:54 AM


you already betrayed
Too late
Theres the trouble you made
not in time
all the lies you told
Already said
the rumours you started
can't stop

you didn't realize in time
whose heart you were breaking
well you were breaking mine
too late, you are forsaken

already you destroyed
crushed
were spitefull and mean
Wrong
cheated on life
Karma
somehow you'll pay
big debts

your too late
to ever come back
I'll you push you away
harsh but too bad

give it up, don't even try
stop pretending  you cried
I never hurt you, you never cared
now your complaining, when you played unfair.

© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
nostalgic*pride
Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122
NowhereVille
1 posted 2006-09-14 09:56 AM


I like this one. Very emotional. Good job.
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-09-14 11:04 AM


Hi Rhia,

Umm, I'm not sure what to think! This isn't the "usual" style I see you write with, I think? It's kind of interesting the way you wrote it...

I thought that the flow was kind of choppy, that could just be more, or were you trying for that effect? I kind of liked it like that. It made for more breaks to contemplate what you were saying in the poem, which was great, because I couldn't take it all in at once because of the choppy-ness... that doesn’t really make sense does it^^

I liked it though; and I hope to see more from you in the near future

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
3 posted 2006-09-14 06:11 PM


Hey Rhia!  I really like this poem by you.  I agree with Stargal in that I liked how the flow was kind of choppy, it gave a little something extra to the poem.
Overall, nice job.  Thanks for sharing!

~Alli~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » Too late

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary