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Abiola
Junior Member

since 2006-08-09

Posts 29

0 posted 2006-09-12 11:18 PM

I'm afraid!!!

I'm afraid of lettin u get to close to understand me

I'm afraid of lettin u know what i feel inside

I'm afraid to talk, express what i feel.

When all u r here for is to help, understand, and be here

4 me.

I'm afraid of lettin u see my tears when all i want u to do

is wipe them away

You call and ask, "whats wrong", i start to say.....but i'm

afraid to finish because i don't want to make a mistake

and say the word thing that makes u feel sad

I'm afraid of u!!!!!!!!!!

I'm afraid of u carin, loving, and always beenin near

I'm afraid of just lettin go. I don't know y..........

Yeah i know i keep things build up inside and always

block ppl out but it's just me

I guess i'm afraid of change

I'm afraid, come rescue me soon......

************ Abi aka WiSdOm******

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

1 posted 2006-09-13 02:50 PM

Mk, I liked this one. It very clearly stated the fear (obviously) but I also picked up on maybe... regret? At being so afraid? Maybe I'm wrong, but I still liked it.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-09-13 05:13 PM

um, it was a fine poem- grammar could improve and spelling could be checked but you made the point very clear. and thats a very good thing in poems. so good job.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-09-13 05:33 PM

Agreed with everything said above and before me, which basically means I agree with...everything?

You were definitely able to get the emotions across to the reader, which, I thought, was cool. I’m not really into using one word a lot in a poem but I think in this poem you pulled it off rather nicely. Although, I also agree with the spelling/grammar thing, how you might want to do some adjusting.

Thanks for sharing! It was… a most interesting read

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2006-09-17 11:44 PM

yea try instead of y write it out why it sounds better for poetry even though it proves to take more time...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2006-09-18 12:19 PM

Well, this will basically be a repeat of what has already been said but...

While I really enjoyed the poem I think that netspeak just takes away from the reader's experience. You should go back and fix your grammar and spelling, and it will improve your poem that much and make it that much more enjoyable to read.

Keep posting!

~Alli~

Abiola
Junior Member

since 2006-08-09

Posts 29

6 posted 2006-09-23 12:33 PM

Thank you all. I understand the net talk take a lot of interest out of the poem. My next post it will be no net talk, promise.... Hugs

wwzwlmd8
Member

since 2006-09-23

Posts 96
San Diego,CA

7 posted 2006-09-24 05:51 PM

Great job i felt like crying I can really relate to this one.

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