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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-09-12 08:53 PM

the lies
the tears
through all the years
are spilling out
yet again

the hurt
the pain
pouring like rain
from out of
my eyes

you don't see me cry
when you hurt me inside

i can't let you
cause it would just hurt more

you don't see me cry
when you say mean things to me

i can't let you
cause you'd walk out my door

i wish i could show you
i wish you'd understand

but wishes
they don't come true.

[i found this in an old notebook, i guess i wrote it when i was around 11 or so, its probably the oldest one i have that i've written]

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

1 posted 2006-09-13 12:26 PM

I actualy really liked this. When I started reading, I was like, "Oh, another bad poem written by someone who thinks they're sooo great." But by the time I got to the end, I was like, "Wow, this is great." So, sorry for judging you harshly in the beggining. And fantastic job! =)

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

2 posted 2006-09-13 01:45 PM

wow...nonstalgic, i really hope that you dont judge people like that, because what isnt good to some people might be great to the person who wrote it.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

3 posted 2006-09-13 01:46 PM

who likes they're so great? im a little confused by that, but w/e. thanks for replying.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

4 posted 2006-09-13 01:48 PM

woah, you just posted right when i did omygosh....and thanks, i know, i was kinda confused at what nost said but thats ok, its just critique. But i was only like 11..so yeah...but i don't care,its defiantly ok.

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

5 posted 2006-09-13 02:34 PM

Sorry, I really didn't mean to ofend anybody. I was in a terrible mood this morning, and decided I was going to be a biatch. Soooo sorry. I really do like this poem, and the others written by you. Please don't, like, hate me or anything. SORRY!

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

6 posted 2006-09-13 04:37 PM

OH NO! i really don't hate you!i promise! i understand completely, please, critique my poems any way you want to!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

7 posted 2006-09-14 02:06 PM

Hi buttercupbaby,

I must admit this one wasn't a favorite of mine, I felt it was kind of so-so, but I realized why I didn't feel this was as good as one of your others when I read the note at the bottom. It makes sense, I think for being the age you were when you wrote this it was great. I'd even suggest that you re-write this now that your older, maybe improve on it, because it does have a great context to it... Just a thought though.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2006-09-14 06:12 PM

For only writing this poem when you were 11, is really good work. Reading other poems written by you, I have seen how much you have matured as a writer over the years. I always enjoy reading your work, keep at it!

~Alli~

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

9 posted 2006-09-14 06:46 PM

thanks alli and stargal!!

actually stargal, i've been trying to some..its not really working, i've been going through a kinda tough time, and as weird as it seems, i haven't been able to write any good poetry! sorry, ill post some more[hopefully well written] poems as soon as i write some=)

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

10 posted 2006-09-15 11:06 PM

not my favorite by you but it was up there in about a happy medium i thought this was really good for like 11 good post and tx for sharing

...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

11 posted 2006-09-18 07:04 PM

thanks!
i would love to put up more poetry and alot of it is good, but im not allowed to post it on this site! which is fine and i totally agree..but i wish some of y'all could critique it! maybe i could change it up to where it fits the guidelines..

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