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Teen Poetry #8
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hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-09-12 12:08 PM


you must think i'm crazy walking alone,
getting soaked by the rain,
thinking maybe you'd come see me,

i must have been crazy to think you were single,
i see your smioe in the back of my mind,
i still can't belive it's only friends we can be,

you noticed everything i wanted you to,
i don't see a guy like that being unspoken for,
you falling for me is something i couldn't see,

but i can still dream,
and pity myself,
for that i must be crazy.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

© Copyright 2006 Krysti - All Rights Reserved
nostalgic*pride
Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122
NowhereVille
1 posted 2006-09-12 08:56 AM


Wow. I feel honored to be the one reviewing this first. It's absolutely fantabulous!!! Keep up the good work.
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-09-14 02:09 PM


Umm.. It's a little confusing as to what is going on, I mean I know kind of what is going on but it needs a little bit more detail? At least in my own mixed up opinion it does...

I loved the first two stanzas, my favorites of the whole poem. Especially the part about walking in the rain.

Thanks for sharing, it was an enjoyable read

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
3 posted 2006-09-14 05:06 PM


you must think i'm crazy walking alone,
getting soaked by the rain,
thinking maybe you'd come see me,

my favorite stanza.perfect! i liked that.

but i agree with stargal i think it could use a little more to it. sounds like you ended it without a ending that fit. the ending could have been more i guess. i dunno.

but i think u should do more on it. it could be really good but i think u should add. if u added more into the middle i think that mite fill it more , that s just wut i think.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
4 posted 2006-09-14 06:12 PM


Hey Krysti, I enjoyed this.  As I was reading it, it kind of sounded like it could be a song.
The poem itself seems like it ended a little too quicky...how I would love it if you were to expand a bit more!
Nice job!

~Alli~

Shake
Junior Member
since 2006-11-17
Posts 40

5 posted 2007-11-12 12:29 PM


Ok, I like you alot now!
This is exactly how I felt about Jennifer(only its a girl, not a guy,lol)
But everything turned out good!

The structure was great!

I love it, lirbary!


surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
6 posted 2007-11-12 07:09 PM


it was interesting but still not my fav of yours however i liked the concept of this poem alot i just found that it didn't flow all too well
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
7 posted 2007-11-12 10:20 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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