navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » spinning
Teen Poetry #8
Post A Reply Post New Topic spinning Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-09-04 04:08 AM


drama and gossip played such a part
in last year, we all snapped, took it too far
as long as You weren’t being teased, it was okay
to laugh at who ever was, victim of the day

'long as your feelings weren't being hurt, who cares
if you could laugh, how is it so unfair
we were more than happy to spread rumors and lies
but where were We , when we all made her cry

spinning in circles, over again
can we stop if so , go tell me when
weaving webs built on deceit
though there were also few good deeds

what happened to forgiving or even trust?
what made cruelty such a major must?
we almost lost the meaning of being friends
so close to the edge, luckily we'll mend

we made jokes to pretend this wasn't there
if it’s gone, when it’s brought up, then why care?
nobody wanted to actually admit
the truth that we still had problems to fix

spinning in circles, over again
turning around in what was then
through out the year, ignoring and pretending
we managed, together, trying and mending

we still had left a years worth of trouble
over the summer it just doubled
nobody waved a wand, nothing disappeared
we just got good at hiding what was still there

It’s sad that not one of us could really live
without all the drama, and all of this
trapped on a wheel spinning round and round
I tell you one day it will bring us down.



© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
mgoodman1989
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93
Iowa, USA
1 posted 2006-09-04 05:44 PM


Nice write Rhia, lol didn't even realize there was a new room.... thought you'd stopped writing...

Anyway, glad I found you, Keep the good poems a 'comin    

Much love,
Michelle

*I love him oh yes I do, he's for me and not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face!*

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
2 posted 2006-09-04 09:33 PM


I really really really liked this last part in this poem. but the whole thing was very nicely done. I don't like, however, how you cut up your lines and cut off thoughts at the end of the line and went to the next with it or when you put a comma in the middle of a complete thought. I think if you fixed that it'd be even better. But I really like your word usage and the emotion in this.

Keep it up

<3 Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » spinning

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary