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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2006-09-01 05:26 PM

I

All I needed today was to see your smiling face,
To feel the warmth of your protection, feel your embrace.

Your kiss was my deception, your arms my new strength,
You gave me hope that I could do anything to any length

I craved everything about you, I craved your eyes, your smile,
Everything in the world felt right next to you, you made it so worthwhile.

Loved

Something became different along the way, something unexplained,
Soon the perfection of what was felt had somehow drastically changed.

Maybe love wasn’t enough, maybe you were just playing a game,
Maybe you just wanted one thing from me, no matter what the pain.

Everything I’d put into us was suddenly thrown back in my face,
The hurt of what finally hit me left a hole that I can’t erase.

You.

My heart crumbled inside my chest, it’s pieces hidden inside.
The cracks began deeper and deeper with all your hurtful lies.

I realized that with you the truth was sacred and rare,
Your lies are enough to show just how little you cared.

So break me now, break me again, just take all that’s left,
Take every single piece of my heart straight out of my chest.

Every piece belongs to you, together they all spell out your name
Who am I to keep what’s yours, you told me you wanted that claim.

I hate you for breaking me down slowly, reducing me to nothing but pain,
All because you wanted selfishly, to you it was all just a game.

-Erin

The way I set this poem up was I bolded the stanza section titles kinda, they make a sentence but each one represents each section. for example, the I is me, what i put into this relationship. the you is what they did to the relationship, their selfishness. Idk I understood it :-) enjoy

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

1 posted 2006-09-01 06:11 PM

Ooooh, this is REALLY good. I LOVED IT!!!!

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2006-09-01 09:53 PM

Look who it is! I've been away from this site for so long, and it's nice to come back and see some familiar faces.

Onto your poem, I really liked the format you used. I found it interesting (and don't worry, I understood what you meant). Nice job.

~Alli~

Sknurt
New Member

since 2006-09-02

Posts 2

3 posted 2006-09-02 02:17 AM

?? I think it needs more emotion.. but great job!!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-09-03 12:44 PM

Hey tapper798,

Wow... That's like all I can say about this poem! I found this to be one of my favorites by you; the setup is amazing, btw.

I think that it's a neat idea to have the stanza kind of labled, it makes sense, I loved that.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

*wishfull*thinking*
Junior Member

since 2006-09-03

Posts 33
north east of england

5 posted 2006-09-03 05:03 PM

excellent

i love it well done

keep it up
danielle
x

previously know as poise and rationality and sins and tragdegies but long story

*coz i've seen lopve die way too many times when it deserved to be

*wishfull*thinking*
Junior Member

since 2006-09-03

Posts 33
north east of england

6 posted 2006-09-03 05:03 PM

excellent

i love it well done

keep it up
danielle
x

previously know as poise and rationality and sins and tragdegies but long story

*coz i've seen lopve die way too many times when it deserved to be

patience_iago
Member

since 2006-08-30

Posts 54

7 posted 2006-09-03 08:27 PM

this was great.

"There are some days where i believe i might die of an overdose of satisfaction"
-Dali

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

8 posted 2006-09-03 09:10 PM

i loved this one its a good write thanks for sharing

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

9 posted 2006-09-10 05:00 PM

I thought this was another amazing poem by you. Like I said before I think you really have talent, and I am def a fan of yours. I thought the setup of the poem was really cool, and I think you def have enough emotion in the poem. Hope to see more from you soon...great write.

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