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Open Poetry #44
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SeraphimBroken
Member
since 2009-03-09
Posts 74
USA

0 posted 2009-05-09 02:42 PM



Crowded coated liquor glazed pavement,
worn feet immersed in masses of flesh-print.
I, walking with you hand in fist,
amidst the smoke and mire of side streets humanity.

Smog like smiles, glancing across the corners,
of dream paved streets, drowning under foot.
Smell of their desires, decaying below,
You look at me with eyes, deep with their gray.

Holding fist tighter, I assure you of their passive,
"fear is but in your heart pounding."
"This is not our walking road of treading,
were only here to pass through, remember?"

Worried grimace upon your brow,
your words rimming upon my anticipation of our passage.
"What if this street has no end?"
"Are we already at destination of ourselves?"

I turn, pull up your chin... "We will need to wear shoes..."

© Copyright 2009 seraphimbroken - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-05-10 01:35 PM


Yo SeraphimBroken,

I've lived my life on the street, and I don't understand this at all.  I'd try for more simplicity.

Bobby

SlowlyFallAway
Member
since 2008-08-29
Posts 279
North Carolina
2 posted 2009-05-18 07:38 AM


It's not about living on the streets. It's about walking the one of life's many roads. Good write.
SeraphimBroken
Member
since 2009-03-09
Posts 74
USA
3 posted 2009-05-18 04:42 PM


Bobby; It was basically using a few memories of going through a
depressed area of town, remembering the feelings it provoked, and
then another situation in a relationship, where the feelings were the
same and just combined them. It's not about the streets themselves,
but perhaps the hopelessness in humanity and in a relationship struggling
to survive through problems.
Thank you for pointing that out, I should have posted an explanation
along with this one.

SlowlyFallAway; True, one of life's many roads I have found myself
and my loved one walking together.
Hopefully... I don't have to find a pair of shoes lol.
Thank you so much for the read


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