Untitled Song 2 - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #44

Untitled Song 2

KeyLimeSorbet
Member

since 2008-03-05

Posts 74
Colorado

0 posted 2009-05-06 03:50 PM

Be VERY critical on this for me, it is a VERY rough draft for a song i wrote and i need constructive criticism. I dont have a mic to record how the song goes, but hopefully i will soon.
* -Parts i want to change but haven't found a fit
()-notes, subsitutions, and considerations for certain lines.

    (slow)
Dear prince charming,
You swept me off of my feet-
Did i mention you're perfect?
I swear *i've known you all my life*-
(I swear i've seen/ met you before)
    (faster)
'Cause you get what i mean,
'Cause you laugh when i laugh,
'Cause you really *know*(get)me,
And that's just what i need!
    (faster)
Well i been lookin' for ya 'round every corner;
Can't wait to meet you,
Can't wait to see you.
Keep lookin' 'cause i knoiw i'll find you;
*I won't settle,
I need you darlin'*
After all that searching we'll be together;
*We'll*(i'll) be happy,
Forever and ever- the end.

    (slow)
*Are you my prince charming?
(Could you be prince charming?)
(I've met/ Ive found prince charming)
I've heard a lot about you-
but no one's said that you're perfect.
I think they might have missed out-
    (faster)
'Cause you get what i mean,
'Cause you laugh when i laugh,
'Cause you really know me,
And that's just what i need!

    (faster)
Well i been lookin' for ya 'round every corner;
Can't wait to meet you,
Can't wait to see you.
Keep lookin' 'cause i knoiw i'll find you;
*I won't settle,
I need you darlin'*
After all that searching we'll be together;
*We'll*(i'll) be happy,
Forever and ever- the end (hold 'end' note to overlap with next part)

I have to tell you,
You are perfect,
In every way, shape, form, and fashion.
And i swear love,
I am all yours.
I've never been more happy than i am right now!(with you)

Well i been lookin' for ya 'round every corner-
Can't wait to meet you,
Can't wait to see you.
Keep lookin' 'cause i knoiw i'll find you-
*I won't settle,
I need you darlin'*
After all that searching we'll be together-
*We'll*(i'll) be happy,
Forever and ever,
We can live together, be perfect together,
Cause you're just for me,
And i'm just for you- the end.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2009-05-06 04:39 PM

check your email

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