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TheAnonDavid
Member

since 2008-08-28

Posts 237
UK

0 posted 2009-03-16 06:24 PM

I sat and watched her as she slept,
Her skin so ghostly white.
I saw as dark'ning shadows crept,
Escaping from the light.

The deathly Angel spread his wings
To take her soul away
As Heaven's choirs plucked gentle strings
In random disarray.

I watched her as her movement ceased;
Her body lay so still
As if the Angel had released
All suffering and ill.

At last I cried, my voice returned,
"Please stop, don't take her now."
The Angel looked, so unconcerned,
With boredom on his brow.

"Kill me," I sighed, "Kill me instead,
And I will take her place."
The Angel said, "But she is dead,
Look down upon her face."

I hoped that with the Saviour's grace
My plea could be allowed.
My tears were wet upon my face,
I pleaded long and loud.

"Her soul is free from sin and pure
But yours is dark and black.
Your words are childish, immature,
Why should I bring her back?"

The Angel's words were straight and true
But still I forced my plea.
Though he refused I tried anew
He must not disagree.

At last he smiled and held my eye;
"Your wish is in my hand;
I have decided to comply
But you must understand;

"Your life is ended as we speak
And she will live once more.
The tears have dried now on your cheek-
So let us count the score.

"You cannot take the vacant place
In Heaven where she'll dwell;
For you are doomed from now to face
Eternity in Hell."

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas

http://stores.lulu.com/davidmm

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2009-03-16 06:49 PM

""You cannot take the vacant place
In Heaven where she'll dwell;
For you are doomed from now to face
Eternity in Hell.""

~ an unexpected twist at the ending! I guess the old adage is true ~ "Be careful what you ask for!"

A very moving piece of writing. I understand the depth and selflessness of that kind of love.

Linda

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2009-03-17 10:52 AM

I can't say it better than our own (Earth) Angel did! *S* Excellent write!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

3 posted 2009-03-17 12:19 PM

I enjoyed the tone and feel of this one. I could hope there'd be some way around the going to hell bit, but I guess them's the breaks.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

4 posted 2009-03-18 01:19 AM

Wow, sad. what an ending.
Ida

WTBAKELAR

Senior Member

since 2008-09-09

Posts 1089
Utah, USA

5 posted 2009-05-18 05:29 PM

What a wonderful, but chilling poem.

Nice write.
Tracey.

TheAnonDavid
Member

since 2008-08-28

Posts 237
UK

6 posted 2009-05-18 06:59 PM

Thank you all for your thoughts. I know that this may be fantasy but there are those who believe that an Angel can't send a soul fo Hell. My view is that the books must balance; if the soul is destined for Hell then that is where it will go.
I expect to see a lot of my friends when I get there ...

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas

http://stores.lulu.com/davidmm

Osprey
Member

since 2009-04-12

Posts 249

7 posted 2009-05-18 09:07 PM

I don't think I've ever read guilt so definely expressed. Brilliant.

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