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Open Poetry #44
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Robert Frazier
Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014


0 posted 2009-03-06 01:45 PM


Salt grass and evergreens
sing a chorus sweet
While seagull prints vanish from the shore
tugged away into the deep


© Copyright 2009 Robert Frazier - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2009-03-06 01:51 PM


I like this! Good imagery.
It's my pleasure to have inspired a write about the ocean and shoreline! Thanks for reading ocean opus.

tao power
Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109

2 posted 2009-03-06 02:28 PM


this is a very vivid piece of a poem.  i wish there was more to it.  While I could very clearly see the imagery you described, I felt a little disappointed that there wasn't more meat on the bone, ya know?  You have talent, but you could have used that talent to lengthen the poem a little maybe.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2009-03-06 04:15 PM


Not quite senryu; not quite tanka,
but filled with images...

and I love the idea of prints being tugged away...

Good to read you again, m'friend.




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