»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #44
»
tic time wind talk
| Open Poetry #44 |
|
tic time wind talk |
|
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast 
|
we were just a rain storm of accidental you in your parking lot with lovely on and me pretending to be just a tree again nothing really in common it seemed except the asphault lawn we both realized so we shared our words of discouragement but hoped the other wouldn't lose interest or get too interested too really which could cause us both to have to do all those things we really wanted to we closed our eyes and played spin the dreams and they always seemed to stop between us like the residue of a lover's fire leaving smoke we could taste in our mouths that only another kiss could ever sweeten perhaps it was only a fantasy like never flying but loving the feeling of our wings when the other pushed them open just enough so they knew how empty they had been and maybe how full they could be again if we would let time become our loving wind ___________ daark (forbidden) |
||
| © Copyright 2009 ©Dark 2k - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"we were just a rain storm of accidental you in your parking lot with lovely on and me pretending to be just a tree again nothing really in common it seemed except the asphault lawn we both realized so we shared our words of discouragement but hoped the other wouldn't lose interest or get too interested too really which could cause us both to have to do all those things we really wanted to we closed our eyes and played spin the dreams and they always seemed to stop between us like the residue of a lover's fire leaving smoke we could taste in our mouths" reading the underneath, this is so sweet and so loving....so unselfish while wanting to be selfish.  you are a tenderheart |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms suesea....shhhh don't tell anyone..I do have an image to keep up ya know..thanks babe |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: .... silence .... containing only my breath ... inhaling and absorbing this poetic delicacy ... Sigh! Your creativity is infinite. Love, Margherita  |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms mar, thanks so much lady friend.. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
we closed our eyes and played spin the dreams and they always seemed to stop between us like the residue of a lover's fire leaving smoke we could taste in our mouths that only another kiss could ever sweeten ~*~ your imagery is so very sensual... always lovely to read you. |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms sun..thanks babe! |
||
|
tao power Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109 |
the first line, ending it with an adverb like an unfinished thought, might not have been intentional, but it was powerful. Young love is full of unfinished thoughts. It started the poem out perfectly imo. In fact, this poem almost perfectly captures the whole confusing whirwind of young love. Words of discouragement/dont lose interest (paraphrased) was a great bit. It speaks to the love/hate aspect of young love quite well while doing it in a fresh and interesting way. This poem could have easily become some sappy poem in some sad goth kid's notebook in the hands of a lesser poet. You took a theme that has been done to death and then some, and brought it back to life in a brand new way. Thanks. |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Tao..humble thanks for the comments, the scene here is way beyond young love, but love is alway young when discovered and it stays young as it grows. |
||
|
nebulous_nymph Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 37Inertia |
mindful magnificence.... you rock dude! |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi DS... "you in your parking lot with lovely on and me pretending to be just a tree again" Leaving the parking lot of LA tomorrow, for a new one in Sacramento. You'll need to think of another name for me besides, neighbor. |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms nymph...thanks lady friend!! __________ ms martie...you will always be my neighbor...but I guess a delta girl now?, thanks babe |
||
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
D I have read this poem so often that I think I have worn holes in it. I can't think of any words to describe how it makes me feel. So, I'll share my silence with you. A |
||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I tried to read this Dark but Alison wore all these holes in it. "we closed our eyes and played spin the dreams and they always seemed to stop between us like the residue of a lover's fire leaving smoke we could taste in our mouths that only another kiss could ever sweeten" That verse made me smile big time. Simply superb stuff Dark. Ya'll have a way with words for such a young fella. Eric |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms ali-san, thanks babe _____________ eric, thanks guy...I am a blessed by your comments. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
