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Open Poetry #44
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gdcod2player
Member
since 2008-07-26
Posts 117


0 posted 2009-02-23 11:35 PM



What’s there left to do?
The eyes that gave me faith again
Alyson Blue where are you?
The girl that made me fall
Let me hold your hand
The sweet smell of autumn
How much farther are you than I thought?
I don’t know why I can’t seem to look the other way
Maybe I know you aren’t turning back
I miss the way you smiled back at me
Those summer days I counted down
Those four short weeks didn’t let me down
The heart ill give to you
Even if you are ever so far away
I want to be you guy someday
(not done at all, not happy with it...)
(i might change it quite a bit, but alyson blue shall stay)

© Copyright 2009 gdcod2player - All Rights Reserved
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
1 posted 2009-02-24 12:35 PM


That's ok. Please finish.

So far very lovely.

Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

tao power
Member
since 2009-02-24
Posts 109

2 posted 2009-02-24 01:59 AM


it's ok.  i can tell you really loved the girl, so it isnt the conviction that's lacking.  I think this poem would sound nice with a tighter meter.  
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