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Metaphor:
| Open Poetry #44 |
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Metaphor: |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor 
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I once likened the poet to a hurdy gurdy player. Metaphor: Every evening, in old Parie', The hurdy gurdy player would wheel his music cart out to the park. On his shoulder, in short breeches and an usher's cap, sat a monkey with a tin cup. The hurdy gurdy man named his monkey Metaphor. Each day he'd loose the monkey, with its cup, to go run through the crowd. This music man was a great lover of art. He'd turn the handle, on the side of his machine, and melodious songs would sweeten the evening air. In his mind, he was making a living from his art. The crowd? They were there to see the monkey.  [This message has been edited by turtle (02-17-2009 10:08 PM).] |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
What an enjoyable read, a unique snapshot of a scene many people never get to see. To see the monkey but not the man, nor really 'hear' the music, never to understand the metaphor.... well done, poet! |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Turtle, I'm impressed Each line is vivid, your world spontaneously took form in my mind, I don't think I could have stopped it even if so I wished. You really took me there. (Also, it made me think of Curious George )There is much truth in the last part, some people are not always attending to the art itself but for what else is there. Distraction shouldn't be there, really. I remember a flamenco dance show. The dancers were sublime. But behind them, on the scene, a fat man on the chair kept readjusting his socks, ruffling his hair, scratching his arms etc. No, we were not there for him; but he did receive a share of attention that was more than he deserved. Have a marvelous day! Mark |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Thanks guys I'm just visiting to edit folks  Apparently this is still a work in progress... turltes  |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Thanks guys, these are both great responses. Yes of course, you are spot on Midnight, they heard the music, but never understood the words. And Mark, was the monkey really a distraction in this story? It was the monkey that gathered the crowd to listen to his music. Regardles of the hurdy gurdy man's perspective. Regardless of the crowd's perspective. That monkey was making him money. I recently attended a symposium on "The Trickster". A College Professor stood at his podium and droned on for over an hour. He told us about Hermes and Balder, he told us about Wiley Coyote and some of the Tricksters in Native American lore. Never once did he mention the hand that pinned any of those stories. Never once was it even CONSIDERED that someone created those stories. Were these artists shorted in their lack of recognition? These stories have been around for hundreds of years, they ARE the artists recognition. Not all will hear the music and know the words, but they will still enjoy the music. This is probably not finished yet and I can already see places it could to be trimmed down a bit. Not sure that I like old Parie' either, I think I'll research and find an old district on the outskirts of Paris with a park to place the setting. For now it would probably be best to just sit this aside for a while,then come back and finish it. Honestly, I know little about free verse and I've recently been trying a hand at, what is for me, this new form of writing. One reason I came back here to the internet was to dabble in free verse and I really appreciate your feedback. Turtle |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I enjoyed this very much |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Well done, Turtle. Ida |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Enjoyed this very much, turtle, as well as the story behind it. My only comments on editing would be to lose some of the commas. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nothing wrong with monkeying around with free verse! It's the story that counts and this one's a doozy...with a great last line!  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I noticed that the cheeky little monkey, Balladeer, left a photo of himself! He's such a Leo! lol As for this exceptional write, I would like to echo all of the above responses!  EA |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Thanks guys, I don't know, I still favor structured verse. I think if this were presented in a rondeau, or short lyrical ballad, it would leap from the page. Balladeer....lol |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
What a beautiful poetry with vividness and expressionist strokes. |
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