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Open Poetry #44
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Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England

0 posted 2009-02-17 05:40 AM


I see her eyes water in tormented beauty,
I hear her softly sobbing breath choke
As I gently whisper in her ear words: ‘I love you’
I can feel the beating heart that they broke.

Stripped and pinned down for lust’s cruel purpose,
Wolves oblivious to her anguished cries
As they ravaged the flesh of a still bleeding angel,
Lords of sin, fevers, plagues and flies.

As they finished their savage carnal passion play,
After each defiler had played his part.
Bloodied, numbed, shamed and torn as I found her,
A sight to turn men to hate from art.

So here we both lie in a still loving embrace,
I can never let her see my tears,
Bled empty and white by the comfort I give her
As she quietly cries away her fears.

[This message has been edited by Suncleaver (02-17-2009 10:34 AM).]

© Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-02-17 09:17 AM


Yo Suncleaver,

Never explain your poems.  It's just not done.

Bobby

Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England
2 posted 2009-02-17 10:48 AM


Thanks Bobby. Until recently I've always kept my poetry tight to my chest, so I'm just not familiar with the etiquette. I guess I should just let the verse do the talking.

Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
3 posted 2009-02-17 03:48 PM


Suncleaver - this write just lets it all out, and it's good. I enjoyed the read...

BC

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
4 posted 2009-02-17 06:43 PM


Suncleaver,

I am glad that you removed the explanation.  I saw with my eyes the word pictures that you wrote - and I found myself leaning forward as I softly read out loud.

That's what it's all about to me.

Thank you for sharing.

Alison

LindsayP
Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria
5 posted 2009-02-17 08:14 PM



Suncleaver

That is a sad touching poem my friend, well

written. Thank you for sharing.

Lindsay

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

6 posted 2009-02-17 11:05 PM


the sadness in this is an aching sadness, yet it draws the reader back in for more...nicely done
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