Fanciful Love (haiku) - pipTalk Forums

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Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

0 posted 2009-02-12 10:25 AM

Withering musk thistles
Enclose a well, parched and cold -
Ephemeral caprice

Jax Nova
Junior Member

since 2009-02-04

Posts 20
OK

1 posted 2009-02-12 10:35 AM

Interesting write. I am not entirely sure what the subject is but i's got a nice ring to it.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

2 posted 2009-02-12 11:18 AM

I love a good Haiku. The meter for a Haiku is 5-7-5 and yours is 6-7-6.

Nonetheless, a very nice piece of writing

Write on.

Poet, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

[This message has been edited by Interloper (02-12-2009 12:30 PM).]

gilead
Senior Member

since 2008-03-10

Posts 1067
nevada, USA

3 posted 2009-02-12 04:32 PM

Very nice touch, Marc-Andre. I like the word caprice.

art

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2009-02-12 05:42 PM

Sophisticated and intriguing!

Love,
Margherita

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

5 posted 2009-02-12 07:22 PM

Marc-Andre - different words used, but an enjoyable read...

BC

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

6 posted 2009-02-12 07:45 PM

Jax Nova, thanks for reading. The theme is as the title says, fanciful love. Or perhaps I should have titled it erotic love. It is also about age and decay, and the barrenness that comes with it. Does that make more sense? It seems like it is a bit too obscure (a common fault of mine), I was basically playing with imagery. And by the way, welcome to PIP

Interloper, "withering" and "ephemeral" can also be pronounced with two and three syllables respectively; read so, the count actually is 5-7-5. Yet, I'm sure that quite a few will have read it as you did. I'm glad you could still enjoy it.

Art, thanks for reading, I'm glad to know you've enjoyed it.

Margherita, thanks for reading and commenting, it's always appreciated.

Bill, thanks for reading. I confess I wish I could write as elegantly and as graciously as you do.

Mark

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-03

Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

7 posted 2009-02-12 11:16 PM

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

8 posted 2009-02-12 11:33 PM

Yo Mark,

This works well as a haiku.

Bobby

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

9 posted 2009-02-13 01:21 AM

Thanks Bobby. I'm afraid haiku is neither my forte nor my interest, but I'm trying to use them as an exercise (restraint) for short evocative descriptions. Mark

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

10 posted 2009-02-13 10:33 AM

Very sensual write and to do it in short is a treasure. I read it more as a senyru than a haiku but that also brings the definition into play. I did catch the syllable count and the comment above also. I have to admit I read it the first time in 6-7-6 but that still did not detract from the impact. Well done.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

11 posted 2009-02-13 10:45 AM

Thanks Mark. To be perfectly honest, I would also read it 6-7-6, just trying to cheat with accepted alternative pronunciations

I'm glad to know you've enjoyed it.

Mark

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

12 posted 2009-02-13 02:16 PM

very enjoyable to read, I love haikus.

yann

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

13 posted 2009-02-13 07:19 PM

Thanks Yann, I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

Mark

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