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Open Poetry #44
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Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England

0 posted 2009-02-06 11:42 PM


O weep shattered sky and drown this sundered earth
When every tear shed runs red with life’s blood
When every despairing cry is a peal of piercing thunder

O bleed the heavens of their tears for mine are spent
Wind rage and scream my pain over barren plains
Earth crack and give form to the chasm of my soul

O cleave the very sun as my broken heart fragments
Shadow of night swallow the last beacons of hope

Fire scorch and water crush
Let the very elements manifest this sorrow


Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told.

[This message has been edited by Suncleaver (02-08-2009 04:20 AM).]

© Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2009-02-07 02:24 AM


Powerful Shakespearean type of lament in this piece.
Great lines!

Eric

gilead
Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067
nevada, USA
2 posted 2009-02-07 02:38 AM


Yes, I like the classical flavor in this also, that touch of the romantic in the fervor of lament. The emotions run deep, and you've expressed them well.

Best wishes,

art

Anniepimm
Senior Member
since 2008-12-26
Posts 550
England
3 posted 2009-02-07 04:54 AM


A very nice poem
Really makes you think about life..
And the ode type are always more profound

turtle
Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548
Harbor
4 posted 2009-02-07 01:10 PM


Most of this is well written. Traditionally an ode should have "Ode" in the title.

"An Ode To Sorrow" Perhaps?

I notice that you have stanza breaks, but don't use them. Is there a reason?

Turtle

Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England
5 posted 2009-02-08 03:50 AM


I would like to thank you all for appreciating this poem and especially Turtle for his constructive comments. His misgivings where indeed well founded as I wrote and posted this poem whilst in a state of being dead drunk. A mistake I shall not make again... hopefully.

Smiles all.  

Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told.

[This message has been edited by Suncleaver (02-08-2009 04:21 AM).]

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