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Open Poetry #44
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viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2009-01-29 05:22 PM


We sat in a circle,
spoke about what we thought
of each other.
I concentrated on you,
starlit girl in the corner.
You concentrated on your paper,
I guess that's fair,
I'm not beautiful.

I said you were,
well,
I stuttered.
I can't remember what I said,
but I was looking right at you.
You said if I were a crayon,
I'd be forest green.

_____________________________________
The Sadie Series.
I couldn't help it: But I promise that Sadie's series is fin, at least as it's own entity.


-P

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

[This message has been edited by viking_metal (01-31-2009 07:57 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-01-29 05:38 PM


Yo Paul,

This has a great last line.

I like the title a lot too.

Good write.

Bobby

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
2 posted 2009-01-30 12:03 PM


Thanks a lot Bobby- Your opinion means a lot to me.

-P

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
3 posted 2009-01-30 12:24 PM


Well that was a great package of poetry. Good thing there was room for one more in the series. I really like this.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
4 posted 2009-01-30 01:48 AM


Thanks Larry- good to have a new reader.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
5 posted 2009-01-30 03:43 AM


Real good work....You get a lot across with these concise love poems.....

Eric

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
6 posted 2009-01-30 10:41 AM


Thanks Ethome. I like to think so as well.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187
Oregon
7 posted 2009-01-30 12:50 PM


Forest green, oh, solid, earthy green that is perch and lift off beneath stars and bluebird wings...  

sparkling write!

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
8 posted 2009-01-30 01:04 PM


Thank you very much.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
9 posted 2009-01-30 07:06 PM


viking_metal - what a great touching romantic write, liked this one a lot...

BC

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
10 posted 2009-01-31 07:56 PM


Thank you sir! I'm glad you thought so.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

Boshii2
Member
since 2009-02-01
Posts 146

11 posted 2009-02-03 07:41 PM


a melted green crayon
a beautiful melted green crayon.
you and your poetry are like a welcome breath of warmed air of the Wadi Rum.

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
12 posted 2009-02-04 12:33 PM


Thanks a lot Boshii- You're from Jordan? Cool, man. Real cool!

-P

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
13 posted 2009-06-09 06:35 PM


you are amazing...question:  do you ever share these poems with the women who inspire them?  i would totally melt if I was immortalized in your prose  : )  

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
14 posted 2009-06-15 11:30 PM


Actually, I gave her the entire series.

She told me she was seeing someone else, "sort of."


-P

Everyone deserves to be loved, even you.

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