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Open Poetry #44
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Asphalt Shingles
| Open Poetry #44 |
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Asphalt Shingles |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
Asphalt shingles in a brick-man's row No one will notice; no one will know Long hide the secrets Long live the pain Yearning for sameness In yawns of disdain Quiet abodes on pine-drenched lawns Shelt'ring the shadows Bordering the dawns Of new days 'wakenings In life's never changings Asphalt shingles lay bare the soul Look like the bricks of the brick-man's row No more hiding No more pain No more sorrow In life's refrain Swing the door open--let the fresh air in Breathe in the sunlight for a new begin Asphalt shingles all in a row Hiding the sadness of those who don't know Life stirs around them Peace could surround them If only they let go Of asphalt shingles in a brick-man's row |
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| © Copyright 2009 Steaven R Snow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Steaven, you truly are a POET! I enjoyed both the message ~ and the form ~ of this fine poem!  Linda |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Steavenr, We don't mind anything like that in our row. It's not a good idea to bother the neighbors about anything. It only leads to trouble. We're a live and let live kind of row. Bobby |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Nicely developed metaphor, Steven, with a good rhyme scheme as well. Though I'm not one who requires 'rhyme' I appreciate it when it's done well... unobtrusively, not forced. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
I like to crack the shingles at least once a day, and step out of those lines, just too restrictive |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Can't really be something we're not for the duration. Honesty will always surface although it may take many many different and difficult forms. Excellent write!! Eric |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Steaven, I have often looked at those shingles and thought the same thing...and cried. *hugs |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Nice writing here, Steaven. Ida |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
Linda, you are far too kind and much too gracious...but, I appreciate it deeply...thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment Bobby, shoulda clarified that this is not talking about an urban row Midnitesun, your comments are high praise indeed...I understand (and agree) on the rhyme thing...thank you for your kindness inked, good for you! nothing like stepping outside the confines of the lines. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Eric, I didn't really know if this was too much Americana or if others (like from Canada) would get it. Thank you for your insightful comments and helping me understand.  I appreciate it.passing, so good to here from you...my reaction exactly...thank you for 'seeing' it. And, of course, thank you for taking the time to reply. Ida, thank you so much...it is greatly appreciated. I am not always a fan of what I write, but this one spoke to me as the words were going down on paper. Thank you. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Steaven, This is among my very favorites that you have shared with us. Very true words and very well written. Thank you. A |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Steavenr, That's one reason I only lived in the burbs for a short period of time. People out there seemed to be constantly at each others throats. Oh, the one-up-manship in the burbs, such snobbery. Bobby |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
steavenr.. some depth here that is partly turned like the corner of an old photo that makes one want to look under kewl stuff |
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WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA |
Steven, this is a very nice read. It rolls along smoothly and keeps you looking to the next line. nice cadence and balance. Well done. WT. |
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gilead Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067nevada, USA |
Very nicely done, steavenr, a superb balance between substance and form, and clarity of message---greatly enjoyed, art |
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