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Open Poetry #44
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GothicCherry
Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471
TN

0 posted 2009-01-24 09:57 PM




Someone once said to leave what I do love;
That it will return if sent from above.
Black is his heart, cold is his sorry soul.
Midnight engraves his heart with a huge hole.
I must have been crazed and insane to take
Such a fool’s wasteful poor advice for truth
My love please forgive me, I have moaned long
Painful tears burning my cheeks falling down
A burden I bore, now take me back dear
I miss your laugh and touch. I need you here.
With you life is gentle, easy, no strife.
Delicate sweet love, you are my whole life.
Without you I am poisoned, dead, forsaken.
Be the morphine for my hearts righteous achin’.

© Copyright 2009 Michaela J. McHone - All Rights Reserved
Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
1 posted 2009-01-24 10:30 PM


You misunderstood the advice.  If you love it, let it go.  If the love is real, it will return.  Don't leave it, unless you're the one who needs the space, and then if you come back you won't feel trapped.  You'll feel free to love.  Which, obviously, you do.  I like the 'morphine' metaphor.  I like the way you write a short poem, but you don't give any evidence of leaving anything necessary out.  

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
2 posted 2009-01-26 02:30 PM


I agree with Pilgrimage... excellent metaphor! *S*
Namyh
Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988

3 posted 2009-01-26 05:15 PM


GothicCherry - A wise lover will recognize that to err is a human thing common to all lovers. But to march forward together with a forgiving hand over the stumbling blocks and past the setbacks injects an antibody that's divine and let's you know that the morphine has worked. Love your poetic craft here. Namyh
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2009-01-26 05:58 PM


Enjoyed...James
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