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Open Poetry #44
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ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

0 posted 2009-01-23 10:17 PM


At first I felt happy she had a twinkle in her eye
As she sat down beside me she sure was lookin fine
Through the blaring music noise I could barely hear
The sensual suggestions she whispered in my ear.

Said her husband left her and she was on the loose
Said he always used her bad never told the truth
Somethin touched me inside some early warnin sign
But the swirling room & her perfume clouded up my mind.


My senses were arrested
Locked up in a lie
In a canyon of abandon
I drifted out of line
But as we walked out slowly
From the crowded bar
A soft evening whisper
Sent a warning to my heart?

Well it musta been the whiskey that dulled my sense of right
Cos when I took another look she looked all wrong that night
And I could see a another scene quite clearly in my mind
A woman waitin home for me while I'm bowlin with the guys.

Well there's always somethin out there to steal a best bet
But it will never work out cos cheatin yields no rest.
So I said to her 'hey baby can't spare the hurt I'd breed
Can't justify no nighttime ride on the train to ill deceit

My senses were arrested
Locked up in a lie
In a canyon of abandon
I drifted out of line
But as I walked home slowly
Hurting deep inside
A soft evening whisper
Brought me peace of mind.


IF YOU HAVE TO JUDGE SOMEONE DO IT ON THE SIDE OF MERCY AND LET TIME SEASON THE RESULTS.

© Copyright 2009 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-01-23 10:29 PM


Yo Eric,

Hey, come on now, be a sport.

You did the right thing Eric.

This is a very fine poem.  I like it loads.

Bobby

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2009-01-23 10:33 PM


Hey Bobby

Thank you, you're very kind.
Glad you appreciated the moral of the story....I wanna put some music to this but just haven't put it together yet.

Take care

Eric

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
3 posted 2009-01-24 03:16 PM


Now, that is the sort of song and movie I wish was the norm on television.  It shows that temptation is there and strong, but that one can overcome it.  

Lovely story/poem/song, Eric - or it will be a lovely song once you have put it to music.  And you really need to do it, and you really need to get it sung, especially in bars. It will contribute to world peace (and I am not being funny, because world peace has to do with changing the mindsets of individuals, and it is best done by individuals like you and Kacy and Karilea other people with similar missions).

Owl

[This message has been edited by OwlSA (01-25-2009 01:20 AM).]

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
4 posted 2009-01-24 05:56 PM


this is quite delightful and the story is totally interesting, I love the feelings of the poem and the differenciation between women and men emotions...Sometimes guilty, sometimes unconscious, sometimes simply sharing the best part...Thank you for the enjoyable read.

yann

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2009-01-24 06:52 PM


Hi Eric...you haven't lost the beat in your songs....they just keep playing along.  I'm glad!
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
6 posted 2009-01-24 07:24 PM


Thank you for the visit Owl and for the fine comments, also for listing me with such fine writers, that truly is a compliment.
I will do my best to get this to music and I will post the music here.
I truly appreciate your predisposition toward moral values, it's true, the world is lacking in many ways.

Take care

Eric

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2009-01-24 07:28 PM


The perfect tune to this great "Cheatin' Song" lyrics ought to come to you like a bolt out of the True-Blue! ~ Perhaps whilst ye slumber!

Eric, I just listened to your songs at SoundClick. Very impressive!


Linda

Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050

8 posted 2009-01-24 08:17 PM



Yes my friend, it is that same soft evening whisper that has kept me from a wrongful temptation or three.

Ahhh, I knew you were a good man, I could sense it in your spirit.

Great tune you Canadian Cowpoke!

Richy

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

9 posted 2009-01-24 08:23 PM


Always enjoy your writes...wasn't quite sure how this one would turn out (well, I might add) and I found this gem inside:

"In a canyon of abandon"...great line...excellent write

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
10 posted 2009-01-24 08:46 PM


Thank you for visiting and reading this Yann.
Those are very interesting comments and I enjoyed them.

Eric

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
11 posted 2009-01-24 08:48 PM


Martie my dear flower girl friend, thanks for the visit and I appreciate the comments.
You can click on the little house and listen some of my demos at soundclick.

Have a great day.

Eric

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
12 posted 2009-01-25 12:09 PM


ethome - I must get the guitar out and put a few chords to this one...

BC

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
13 posted 2009-01-25 01:24 AM


What a lovely idea, Eric, to post the music here, when you have it!  I gather from your reply to Martie, that you sing, yourself and that "post(ing) the music here" will mean not the sheet music, but the sound.  I am looking forward to it.

Owl

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
14 posted 2009-01-26 06:38 AM


Linda, Richy & Steaven what a wonderful group of friends you are.

Linda thanks for the visit to soundclick and for the kind comments......


Richy I think I'm a combo jazz/blues/rock/country/folk/classic cowpoke but I thank you for the poke anyway.....(smile)

Steaven glad I didn't disappoint you and thanks for the kind words.


Eric

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
15 posted 2009-01-26 06:40 AM


Bill

Let me know what chords you come up with I might get inspired.....I feel this one as a bit uptempo and not ballad because of fast moving bar scenes etc.....

Thanks for the visit, much appreciated.

Eric

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
16 posted 2009-01-26 06:41 AM


Hey Owl

Thanks for coming back and I'll let you know the moment I come up with something...


Eric

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
17 posted 2009-01-26 02:38 PM


Completely captivating! *S* I love your rhyme, your tale... and the resolution! *S*
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
18 posted 2009-01-26 03:59 PM


Thanks Suthern

Glad you got into it like that I appreciate the visit and the comments.

Eric

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
19 posted 2009-01-27 03:04 PM


Great Cheatin' song, Eric.
                      Ida

Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501

20 posted 2009-01-27 08:47 PM


Eric, an excellent message, excellently penned. You and Bobby are my favourite poets here. Mark
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
21 posted 2009-01-28 05:04 AM


Thanks Ida & Marc I appreciate those words and the fine reference to me and Bobby I also thank you for very much.

Have a great day to both of you!

Eric

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
22 posted 2009-01-28 03:16 PM


Thanks, Eric.  I am looking forward to it.

Owl

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