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Open Poetry #44
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Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501


0 posted 2009-01-08 02:20 AM


I have just written this villanelle as part of a speech to be given at school for Children's Day. Feedbacks and suggestions would be greatly welcome. Mark

It’s through our children that we build today,
Through education’s most important aims:
Tomorrow’s global peace depends on play.

And I can tell you on this Children’s Day
That I see hope in all your loved one’s names:
It’s through our children that we build today.

In every classes beautiful display
I see in your beloved’s study games;
Tomorrow’s global peace depends on play.

The future peace that will keep wars at bay
I see embodied in your children’s frames:
It’s through our children that we build today

A world that’s free of human-made decay
Depends on them, of hope they are our flames
Tomorrow’s global peace depends on play

It’s through my work that heartily I pray
A better world will grow out of their fames
It’s through our children that we build today;
Tomorrow’s global peace depends on play.


© Copyright 2009 Marc-Andre Germain - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2009-01-08 03:11 AM


The well meaning of these words is beautiful Marc.

What can I say other than I hope the speech goes well and all understand the importance of the message.

take care

Eric

Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501

2 posted 2009-01-08 03:31 AM


Eric,

Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave your feedback. Mark

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2009-01-08 06:58 AM


I find writing a villanelle a bit of a hair-puller! lol It's like following a difficult recipe!

You did a wonderful job of writing this one ~ and the message is timely and of great import.
Good luck! Spread the word! ~ and keep on writing!


EA

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
4 posted 2009-01-11 04:32 PM


This is a significant message, beautifully conveyed. I have no patience to learn and write specific poetic forms (other than haiku ...), but I can see the pattern here and I love it, as the repetition holds indeed the core of the speech.

Love,
Margherita  

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
5 posted 2009-01-11 10:48 PM


You follow the form well. "Every classes" is grammatically incorrect but the poem has a good message. Good luck to you....
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