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Open Poetry #44
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Rescue
| Open Poetry #44 |
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Rescue |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York 
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I think about all the times, I'd sit and watch the rain in the back of my mind.. I used to think that if I could just sail away on my imagination I'd be safe, I'd be free I'd be where I could be, me I could smile, I could laugh I could fly... I could dream I could trust in taking chances I could see, whats here in front of me The darkness wouldn't scare me If only, you could see, the cuts on my heart inside of me. I cry, and my eyes bleed with the pain of your broken promises with the pain of your selfishness I cry, and I try to understand why.. you don't seem to see, what is hurting me. I don't understand, where my dreams have gone Do you hear, me in the night calling These nightmares are falling, from the screams, from the yells From the lack of your understanding Do you hear my call as I fall I'm on my knees, pleading for you to rescue me |
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| © Copyright 2008 Kellie M. Cantrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
He's just not good enough for you Kellie if he hurts you like that, forget him and find someone new. That shouldn't be to hard for a girl with your looks. Good luck my dear. Lindsay |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
It's weird, because this poem is about my struggle with my relationship with God. Trying to reclaim a closeness that I once had, a comfort I used to hold dear. I know HE is worth it. I just can't find him. Or maybe it is myself that is still lost. Shrugs I don't know right now, and thats okay too. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Kellie, Good to know that it's not a mere man that you worship so...and ditto with Lindsay on your great looks  You've written a fine poem that must give us pause. If only, you could see, I would change "could" to "would." A tad clearer, perhaps. On the other hand, "could" proposes an entirely different philosophical approach, one that I deem worthwhile to explore. Well, you've left me with some thinking to do... A Happy New Year to you Mark |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
I used could instead of would.. because I could do these things.. but I am not doing them. I am making the decisions and suffering the consequences. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I meant the substitution in the above-mentioned line only, i.e. when you address God with "If only you could." That implies that God cannot, isn't able to do so. If that's what you meant, it still remains excellent. I'd just like to know The I could's are perfect as they are. Mark |
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Anniepimm Senior Member
since 2008-12-26
Posts 550England |
It's strange how the words that we sometimes think in privet end up on a page, And when there written down they look totally different to how we thought them, I understand your struggle with your believes and in my opinion you have captured yours eloquently Thank you for sharing it is a beautiful poem.. Annie |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I'm with you on that one, Annie. It has happened to me quite often too This tells me two things: 1 - I may have failed to clearly communicate what I wanted to say. This then pushes me to review what I wrote and see if I could (or would ) fix it. 2 - The reader got something personal out of the poem, it has moved him/her, and therefore it is an excellent poem! Sometimes, it even highlights an avenue I could or would explore. Kelly has achieved quite something here I've just given the line a more attentive look, especially its punctuation. Perhaps "If only, you could, see...." Or "If only you could, you'd see..." Kelly, I hope you don't mind that I take your poem to explore some philosophical/spiritual issues, try to find a (personal) sense to it, and learn and be entertained in the process. Mark |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kellie~ He IS there ... take control and find Him! quote:I believe you have the answers ... you just aren't using them~ Sometimes the answers are right in front of us ... we need to dig deeply to find them~ Good luck in re-edtablishing your relationship with God~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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YoungatHeart2 Member
since 2008-12-12
Posts 81 |
This is a wonderful piece of writing. I love how it flows....ideas into one another as these thoughts are running through your mind. I am no expert but have lived a long life...you may have ups and downs in your relationship with God all through your life. I guess that is where the Faith part comes in and God will still love you even when you question His Will. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Kellie - this is such a powerful aching write. I could feel the anguish while reading it. You will be answered eventually, wish you the best... BC |
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