No filling of the void....?

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Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

0 posted 1999-09-20 12:01 PM

Since the day he left
I needed someone to take his place
To hold me near
to fill my hearts empty space.
To know that I was wanted
and never alone again
Then you tryed to sweep me away
but I couldn't let you win.
I did not know
but this heart was still sore
I unknowingly led you on
and you just wanted more.
You say I'm a jewel
of this, you say you're sure
but will I ache again
for this thought I cant endure.
For all the love in the world
I just want one taste
but fate will chastise me
for jumping with haste.
When I wont let you in
dont think I dont care
I care to much for me and you
but feelings for you just arent there.
What a wonderful friend
you have proven to be
much more then anyone
you were always there for me.
So when I let you down
by not returning love
it's not because I dont care
but because I care too much.

This was my first attempt at a ryming poem, it makes since to me. Good or bad, all coments are welcome.

------------------
~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

[This message has been edited by Maitay (edited 09-23-1999).]

[This message has been edited by Maitay (edited 09-29-1999).]

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

1 posted 1999-09-20 02:08 PM

ok, did it suck so bad that no one will comment?

------------------
~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

2 posted 1999-09-23 12:16 PM

This was the 1st ryming poem I've written, and I've gotten not even a negative reply. I personally, would enjoy to read any comments, even critisism. Thanks ya'll

------------------
~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

3 posted 1999-09-29 09:59 PM

hope ya'll like the new version...

------------------
~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

chollagrl4
Member

since 1999-08-10

Posts 65
brick

4 posted 1999-09-29 10:02 PM

this poem is really good, it doesnt suck at all. I think it shows a lot of emotion and talent

Cosey
Junior Member

since 1999-06-21

Posts 14
To., Ont, Can.

5 posted 1999-10-03 11:52 PM

I know exactly the situation yr talking about.

"and i confess that i tortured the dress that you wore for the world to look through"
-leonard cohen

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

6 posted 2000-07-28 09:26 PM

For a first attempt at rhyme, this was really good in both the rhyme and the expression of emotion.

Elizabeth

Why ME???

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2007-11-13 07:47 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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