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pricks
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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pricks |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
oh i prick my hand on dirty needles ouch and i don't know where they been mom oh can't you see hypochondriacs the pretty girls they are not me flawed and f*cked lost to society am i so lost? or this where i want to be dig into my skin the little pin pricks only needle holes like prostitutes i thought i saw a bad reflection only a ghost of person oh my god is this me nothing i do is right you see i knew i was shit but didn't realize the depths of it f*ck you all i've got my back to you slit my skin sink a smile the only reason i posted this on teen poetry is because most of you are abrasive and not into commenting on others' poems. so here is my big f*ck you to all the people that made my day hell and if you don't like it or don't agree with it, i really don't care right now because i'm too pissed off. of course i don't want to sound abrasive either so don't take this as a personal affront ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
Not sure what you meant by the little message after your poem, but I quite enjoyed your poem, and know what it's like to feel like that. ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Wow........great poem....... I may be abrasive......but hopefully I dont deserve that f*ck you? i hope you were talking about people in real life, for i dont see how people of the forum could ruin your day? |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
people of the forum are the center of my existence and i love them i don't like teen poetry because you all are crazy and write poems full of pop culture bullshit but of course there is an exception to every rule. so no one on the forum is to **** themselves okay? i would just rather be in open poetry2 or critical analysis....and you all will be fine without me i'm sure |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Well, I'm finding the debate on other people's poems here to be better, although my poems thusfar have received no replies, so I can see your point of saying no one replies, but hey, some of us do, and on the poems we do so, it gets interesting. I posted in Open Forum 2 though and have gotten only one reply though, so it's little different. Besides that, in Open Forum, 1/2 of the replies are stupid, asinine attempts to get people's poetry to the top of the list. Like "I Wanna Be On Top" It's cute, but 2 of them? Each with 100+ replies, most of the replies have no content whatsoever in their one or two lines of comments. I'd much rather have a comment with an actual meaning behind it. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
StrattMat- i would like to get one too, but as i can see from the comments on this poem, i can't. think of the hypocrisy here: you just commented on my poem about something totally irrelevant. How do you think that makes me feel? if i don't have something constructive to say concerning the poem, i don't say it. it's better than all the petty bullsh*t going on over SD's poem about america because someone made a sarcastic remark about it. in the right context, it was funny what sugarstar said about red china and the like. it's obvious that she is not serious, yet we'll get into a fight over it because we have to. my opinion on the poem: SD, lay off the cliche remarks and concentrate on your pure feelings, forget rhyme and structure and i know that you can do better than that. so please think of that as a challenge and not an insult. and i challenge everyone else to say the truth about the poems we read here. some of them are desperately rhymed with words that sound foolish used together. i think that i will do that now. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Well, honestly, I've only been on this forum for a matter of hours, so I'm sorry I couldn't give you feedback on past experiences. As it is, I reply to as many posts as I have time to do so to. Between my computer crashing, and having other things to do, I may not get to everyone, but I comment on what I read. As it is, I don't see anything concerning SD's poem as irrelevant under all those replies. Her Patriotic/Anti-Patriotic poem(depending on how you look at it) sparked discussion over quality of life in America, the 1st amendment, and the like. None of that is irrelevant. As it is, what I said about your poem was totally irrelevant, I said, outside my own poems, which is what I meant by other people's, not other people's as opposed to your poems, other people's as opposed to mine, I've seen good debate over things both concerning structure and content. Besides that, I think your comments concerning SD's poem and the structure are out of line seeing as previous to Walt Whitman, poetry was entirely based on those things. Although I believe very much in the idea of free verse and no real need for structure in poetry, a free verse poem with a strong message still will generally be more powerful if the same message can be conveyed just as strongly with a solid rhyme scheme and structure. It's just the fact that people will remember a poem better if it's got a solid rhythm and rhymes. Anyway, I try to honestly tell people what I think about their poems, talking about what they've done poorly, and what they've done well. Maybe it looks like I sugar coat negative messages, but I don't think I do. I simply report what I think is good and what I think is bad. Because if we dwell on one or the other, it's not very constructive. I hope you people like to read my stupid debates as much as you do poetry. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
SM okay, let me clarify myself here: i totally agree with SD's message of hating corrupt society. i however find the things said about how superficial america is offensive because this girl doens't live in america. she lives in austraila. america culture is WORLD culture. our rockstars and celebrities are theirs too, with the exception of silverchair i guess but i don't like them anyways. my problem about the poem, besides the structure was the fact that it attacked AMERICA, not the society. i'm totally enamored by the thought of patriots wanting freedom and liberty and dying for it. that is america to me. i appreciate all forms of poetry, but i feel like if she didn't try to mold her emotions into a specific pattern, it would make for a better poem. personally, after reading more and more of her work, i like it more and see that we have a lot in common (SD: milk it is one of my favorite nirvana songs....awesome quote!) as for structure and rhythm making a poem more memorable, i'd like to cite sylvia plath whose poems had often no real rhythm, but rather an irratic one. i find her poems very memorable and i find this debate very interesting  ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Well, as much as I'd like to argue with you, between what I've said previously, and what you said, I have few further arguments. Many non-structured poems are indeed very memorable. But the point I meant to make on structure is that is can be a good thing, and oftentimes can strengthen the message. At times, there is no way to effectively use structure to get across the points you could get across with structure. I write in both free verse and structured rhymed verse, so I'm not fighting in behalf of either in particular, I'm just saying, structure has its place, and you seemed to be totally against it. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i'm not totally against structure (how am i always getting into arguments over this?). i just think that she could do better with a poem that was free verse IN THIS INSTANCE but if she wrote the free verse, then decided that she wanted to structure it, she would have more ideas and she could polish her free verse version instead of completely starting from scratch. i do write structured poems too..... i think that i'm ready to see some of your poems posted  |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Well, two of my poems are out there now. Actually 3, but one of them was on Open Poetry 2 and after getting one reply, it has since dropped off the list of like 25 or whatever is shown, so I think I'll repost that here to see whatcha all think. time to post some stuff, so be afraid or something like that. -Matt ------------------ "Lost time is never found again." -Ben Franklin. |
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