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Teen Poetry #1
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Why did u die?
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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Why did u die? |
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chollagrl4 Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 65brick |
I remember everything about that dreadful day, I remember everyone saying it'll be okay. I was so numb and shocked when I knew, I couldnt believe it, it just couldnt be you. I went to the funeral, and everyone cried, I broke down, when i saw you had died. Your face was cold, its color white, that was proof you died that night. I couldnt look in your eyes, they were closed and I knew, if u were alive they would be innocent and blue. I got on my knees and prayed to God for you that night. They say the good die young and when they said that they were right. |
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| © Copyright 1999 chollagrl4 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
I really liked this....very good rhyme and emotion. You might consider breaking it down into short lines to form your stanzas.....it would make it easier to read. It's almost easy to get lost when it's in paragraph form. Really liked it though... ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Here's an example of what I mean : I remember everything about that dreadful day - I remember everyone - saying, "It'll be okay..." This form also helps you keep a good rhythm in your lines (a nice beat) in case any get a bit long etc. Read the short lines out loud, and it helps you feel the pattern beat...you can tell when one is not right or too long, too short. Just giving you my 2 cents because you have great rhyme, and I see your potential in using this type of form....it's more popular with the reader's. (easier to follow)  ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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