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Dimmer
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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Dimmer |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
I hear the rain I see the night I look outside I know this is right I feel the wind I feel the darkness I'm trying so hard to rid myself of hardness Dance candle flames dance Go crazy in the wind loose yourself, let free for my heart I cannot mend I hear the music I hear the glee but this pain my heart feels I cannot flee I search to find, I search to know but in this darkness I have no soul Dimmer and dimmer I see the lights get I look up into the sky and my face gets wet ------------------ Kiya Bowermaster |
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| © Copyright 1999 Kiya - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mike2sacks Junior Member
since 1999-07-29
Posts 18brooklyn ny |
hey wassup?/ |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
Not much. Just reading everybody's writing's. This is all really new to me so I'm just trying to figure everything out. I need to go to bed soon because I have to get up early to go my boyfriends house because it is his birthday and he doesn't know that I'm back from Florida- I want to surprise him.Whats going on with you? ------------------ Kiya Bowermaster |
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mike2sacks Junior Member
since 1999-07-29
Posts 18brooklyn ny |
Hi can i give u constructive critism on your writing maybe to make your writing easier,not that im any better then u i jus notice u strugle with a problem i was helped with...if u dont mind and would like to here wat i have to say i can talkt hrough emails or like this whichever u prefer ------------------ |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
I'm always up for help on my writing techniques. I'd appreciate it very much. Though this is the first time I have ever shown my material to anybody before. When I write- I write down what I feel. I never really thought anyone would really understand my poetry-but as long as I could it was ok. I would really like to see what you have to say. ------------------ Kiya Bowermaster |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
basicly with ur poetry u try to force the poem to rhyme for example "I hear the music I hear the glee but this pain my heart feels I cannot flee" poetry is from the heart so u shouldnt try to fit it in...ur poem would hbe amazing no amtter wat it said as long as u feel it and expalin urself using wordsthat any1 can understand |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
There are certain subjects that I have trouble finding my "touch" in. Love is not one of my strong areas. Later I will submit some of my other poems that were not forceful. They are truly from the heart. Thankyou. ------------------ Kiya Nicole |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
i goota major case of writers blok,.im goin carzy |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
That really sucks. I hate when that happens. Sometimes I get writers block and it last for weeks at a time. If there is anything I can do to help-I'll do it. ------------------ Kiya Nicole |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
i wish u ocyuld help!!! its beens ince school ended |
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Tanya Junior Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 43Brooklyn, NY, USA |
hi again, i like this poems also, you are really great at writing poems. keep it up. oh yeah...nice coversation too  |
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Kiya Junior Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 31Kingston Springs,Tn.,U.S. |
Thanks Tanya. This poem came from my heart. It had a lot to do with my dad's death. I wrote down how and what I was feeling. You are a very talented writer too! ------------------ Kiya Nicole |
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*~*butterfly*~* Junior Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 28minnesota |
this poem is really good, you can tell you put a lot of work into it-rhyming and all. but it sounds great, keep it up *later* ~kas~ |
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