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Teen Poetry #1
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Vessel
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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Vessel |
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invertigo18 Member
since 1999-06-14
Posts 53Prairieville, LA., USA |
So cold within this vessel. No feeling can be found. So old within this vessel. But so young all around. Burnt out Sold out Does anyone care about the rust consuming the inside of the vessel's heart? And everyone assuming that it was alright inside was wrong from the start. It travels alone. Submerged in uncharted waters. And even though it feels at home. Its still in love with Poseidon's daughter. So drown Drown to find her Yes drown Now you're lost in her sadness And you'll never have her. Keep swimming on with the waves That crash and break the dawn inside. Keep swimming on with the waves That hide her soul behind her eyes. You're both drowning. But you can't drop the lead weight. Is that why you're frowning? 'Cause you're the one she has loved to hate? Now fade into the night. Now wade into the light. Now shade you from the sight. Of her searching for you. You're both doomed For this love can't be. ------------------ Luke Cakalic |
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| © Copyright 1999 invertigo18 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
I can't believe no one commented on this one, so I'm sending it back to the top ! Your content deserves applause, wonderful metaphors...you really know how to paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind...you have depth in your poetry that makes it superb. Could have only been better if it had just a bit more rhyme and flow, but for the free style, it was fabulous...I'll be reading more of your work... ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Luke, I take back what I said about the need for more rhyme, I reread it, and the flow is the only thing that makes it a little hard to "keep up with." Keep writing! ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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