I've been looking at myself in the mirror a lot more lately. Switching from a left angle, to a right. Raising my head in seduction, and lowering it in mystery. Running my fingers through my hair to disperse its autumnal essence. And? We really are the living embodiment of people descending us. We’re the combination of two separate pieces of DNA combining to form one. Then? That one will repeat the cycle and become two. I see them in me and often ask myself; “What would they do?”
My best judgement would lead to what they would do. I've never been more confident in myself since now, despite the fall of two of the most precious people in my life. My confidence would of been best shared with my mom. It was about time to admit that yes, I actually started to love and even wear the floral prints I fought off so long ago; protesting that the color black was the only shade in existence. Or maybe give into the fact that I would say “yes” to knee high boots as opposed to Converse. My universe was changing in dark, but positive phases. Do I feel proud of myself? At times. There is just too much anger to express within all these days! I need more, damnit; ravenously! But oh the hurt that comes from it. The aftermath of guilt and hope that forgiveness is felt. Luckily, I’m not only forgiven, I’m loved unconditionally. I vomit, I clean, I vomit once more. I’m only human.
The world has been seen through the seventies, lately. She always had the coolest sunglasses. My heart shaped lenses project a life that was once hers and his; and it was cool because she told me she didn't seem to mind, back then. *sneer* I cannot say that I’m the hobbit.. Or the poet. But I certainly have a deep fascination for this world. I have an admiration for death for taking without remorse. I have an anger for death and want to rebel and prove that I can become immortal.. If.. I only try? Impossible. Do your thing when its time dude. This life is unlike anything else, but pain and suffering will follow. Remember when petrichor was the best smell during a long day of outside play? Remember when decorating your home for the holidays was almost better than the actual holiday? Remember when opening a couple of presents on Christmas Eve was essential? Some people may have not had that luxury, but I did. They gave all of this to me. They supplied my imagination with all it needed to grow and gain as an offbeat human being. The loneliness is transitory, but the longing is here. The longing to finally sing to him in person instead of curled up in the shadow of his death bed. The longing to engage in a more profound level of thinking and share that with her while I pick her brain. I wish this experience wouldn't have caused this new found understanding because now I can’t listen and understand with them. I do my best to obtain more, because I am the living embodiment; and what she failed to do, I will strive. What he failed to understand, I will listen. I was two of the best people in existence, and I will continue to make them proud.