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Illness, Pain, Suffering
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Illness, Pain, Suffering |
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Lady Goodman Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193 |
I'm probably too tired to compose much of any sense today, but after asking "why" so many times, through so many painful situations with family, friends, and even strangers in need, a simple thought, perhaps a rationale, I don't know, just occurred to me--and that is this-- maybe, just maybe the purpose of human suffering is to allow others for a chance at redemption, and each instance being particular to the situation, so that even if life seems like a perpetuation of pain, every instance just might be presented in order correct wrongful thinking, if not for you personally, than for someone else. It's just a thought. I'd like to think of it that way, anyhow. I simply can't tolerate the idea that it's all for nothing. *weary smile* You might not agree, and that's okay. I just made the decision to look upon it that way myself--just about five minutes ago. Call it a baloney rationale, or just dismiss the thought altogether. I'm making a decision to believe this in hopes that I will handle things this time around with a little more grace, dignity, compassion, and peace. I might not be able to live it every second, and I'll still react with emotion and behave badly with displacement, but I'm going to try very hard to remember this thought that woke me up today. I'm so glad this is a day of rest. I'm going back to bed, knowing full well I might not be able to stay there. coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...? Half a cup, as my Dad used to say.  |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I don't know if what you wrote makes sense or not, I only know that it resonates within me. I am battling bitterness and it's a tough battle. I don't want to live my life feeling anger or allow others to control my feelings towards them. Does that make sense? Yet, I feel that I have truly seen the face of evil. It's a funny way to express myself as I have never really used the word "evil" against another human being before ~ let alone someone I used to love. It is said that hate is the mirror image of love and when one know longer cares, one is free. Huge paraphrase there, I know. However, it is hard not to care or have feelings when children are involved. Yep, this is an obscure and convoluted response. Sorry about that. It is also said that only the good die young. How true. How sad when the partner of the good one is not a good person and is left to raise three small children. All I can do is watch and wait for the opportunity to help those children if given the chance. So, I snagged your thread here to vent in a way that I can't other places. The title that you posted drew me in ~ and I saw that you gave me a lifeline to say what I have to say and to try to move on. Thank you, Lady G. A |
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Lady Goodman Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193 |
It might be a quibble, but I feel that apathy is the opposite of love. (Not sure what you meant by "mirror image", so pardon my misunderstanding. I do think that mirror image is apt for love and hate, as both require passion... And as for bitters, it's okay to have a good cry, You should write about that Ali, as bitterness is akin to the poison on the dart that caused the injury. I wrote something a long time ago, equating emotional pain with an arrow that must br broken off, instead of pulled out, as some pain never leaves us, it just becomes a part of us, and we have to learn to live in peace with the rude invasion of such heartaches. It doesn't mean that the one who slung the arrow is the victor...in fact, by making it a part of yourself, you end up owning a piece, in effect of...whomever, thereby enslaving a bit of the foe that tried to bring you down. Some days are just more difficult than others. *peace* lovie Today is a dark day and I'm glad the sun is letting me be. *sigh* |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
" Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin." Al-Hasan Al-Basree |
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Lady Goodman Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193 |
Yep. What he said.  |
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Lady Goodman Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193 |
I don't know why I thought things would get easier. I was pretty sure that the worst was behind me, since I'd doubled down on physical pain and emotional pain. I didn't see this one coming at all. I do know now, that it's very difficult to handle the curve balls of life and death with both honesty and compassion. My mother is going to die believing I abandoned her. It is excruciating for me to stay silent and avoid the temptation of the natural inclination of self-defense. My love and loyalty have been sullied in exchange for material objects I never wanted. I am in mourning for the loss of relationships while people are alive. Please just know, trust, I'm not going to attempt to go through all of this alone. I pray it's not too late to ask for objective help. I'm very confused, because I do not know if I'm in the midst of loss, or if I had idealized relationships that were unhealthy all along. I just think that mistakes are inevitable--so I might as well make my own. <3 |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
I think this is perfectly rational (not rationalizing) way to see it, Lady. Stephen |
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Lady Goodman Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193 |
I miss you Stephen... Ali, I feel you, your struggles, you know? Ess--please know that I think you are pretty special. You have all been better friends to me than I to you. And I do know that. I'd say I'm working on being a better person, but actually I think I just want to actualize Karen to her potential, if any there be left. Strange days and tough times... |
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