Near as I can tell, all the things you mention, the wish to be social and friendly, the flamboyance, the writing, the coming on too strong, all seem pretty much part of you. I've noticed that folks don't do so well when they try to leave parts of themselves behind. Everything's pretty much there for a reason. As for homophobia, I don't see how that's really an issue right now, except for the guys that are uncomfortable with it and are looking for somebody to hang their discomfort on. The girls are trying to figure out who they are as girls, and macho guys are pretty much and easy way to recognize somebody male that they're supposed to be attracted to. Sometimes it takes a while to learn to get the finer points down for everybody.
If you want advice, it's easier to add things than it is to take things away. Why not think about macho type things that might hold some sort of appeal for you specifically, and try some of them out to see if there's something in them that feels like it's part of you.
When I was younger, I got fascinated by zen and then discovered aikido, which enabled me to ease into some sort of athleticism. Aikido is something like a non-violent martial art, depending on where and with whom you study it, and it's incredibly beautiful to watch. It takes a very long time to get good at it, and the emphasis was on cooperation rather than competition, at least in the dojo where I studied.
Wing chun is a stripped down style of Kung Fu. The name means "Beautiful Springtime." It was named after the Buddhist nun who invented it. The basics can be learned fairly quickly, over perhaps two years of regular practice, and you learn reflexes that will block most attacks automatically and which increase your sensitivity to how other people move and think to a very high level.
There is a degree of safety that settles in with your bones as you get better.
It is always better to avoid or walk away from a conflict, by the way, but the sense of knowing your body and how to move it makes you come across differently to others. You don't have to feel nervous about how you dress, and your sense of physical competence comes across in the way you move, so you feel less challenged by the macho issues of adolescence.
There are other similar arts that have the same sort of effect. Their purpose is actually to transform the student and not to make him or her into a fighting fool. There are very few fighting fools necessary in today's world. There are a lot of folks who need to feel settled and at home in their bodies and with themselves.
Ba Gua Chang is another chinese internal art, intensely meditative and, depending how you study it and with whom, a solid martial art as well.
I suggest these things because they are all meditative, physical, growth oriented arts. Both men and women train in all of them, so they can be a source of friendship as well, and non of them as that you give up something that you are, but that you simply learn this new art and skill and allow it to give you what it can in return for you offering good service and practice. Not a bad deal for any of them, and all of them teach you slowly how to deal with conflict in a manageable way, so you can master it a bit at a time.
All my best, Bob Kaven