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Passions in Poetry

control over emotions?

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The Great Onion
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0 posted 07-17-2008 10:14 PM       View Profile for The Great Onion   Email The Great Onion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for The Great Onion

sometimes when im really angry, sad, upset, anxious, or dissapointed i sometimes do something to let it go. for example when im sad, i usually make origami or if im angry, i calm myself by doodling random stuff on a piece of paper. im curious if anyone here have any suggestions to letting go of unpleasent feelings,  i can really use some (these days my methods dont work as well as they used to) .
Essorant
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since 08-10-2002
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Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


1 posted 07-18-2008 02:46 AM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

I prefer to think about the problem carefully and try to understand it better.  It usually helps to deal better with things and in dealing better, feeling better.  It takes much patience, but when thoughts deal better with a problem, I find emotions then deal better with it as well.

Bob K
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since 11-03-2007
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2 posted 07-19-2008 05:08 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


sometimes when im really angry, sad, upset, anxious, or disappointed i sometimes do something to let it go. for example when im sad, i usually make origami or if im angry, i calm myself by doodling random stuff on a piece of paper. im curious if anyone here have any suggestions to letting go of unpleasant feelings,  i can really use some (these days my methods dont work as well as they used to) .


Dear Onion,

           There are a number of different ways of doing this.  One of the most commonly used us a behavioral technique called "thought stopping."  It simply consists of noticing when the feelings get especially strong, and then literally saying (in your head) loudly and firmly "STOP!"  This is actually reasonably useful, though in actual practice I've found it works better with intrusive thoughts better than with feelings.

     Another is to understand that feelings don't show up by themselves.  That is, a person doesn't simply walk about the yard and get jumped by a roving band of happy feelings that was passing through the neighborhood.  Or depressing feelings, or angry feelings either.  All these feelings are (according to this theory) produced first by thoughts that a person has about himself and the world and his relationship to it.  Mostly these thoughts are, if the feelings are depressing or anxiety provoking or unbearably scary, a result of some sort of incorrect thinking.  This particular form of cognitive technique has you write down what you say to yourself that makes you feel the uncomfortable way you do, and then check them out against a list of what are called cognitive distortions, which means, essentially, screwy ways of thinking.  Then it trains to you correct yourself when you find yourself thinking those thoughts.  After you get the knack, it's not hard at all.  Some of the cognitive distortions are "All or Nothing" thinking; "Black and White" thinking; and "Perfectionistic" thinking.

     Another way of dealing with a storm of feelings is by using some Japanese Zen philosophy.  What this says is that everybody has feelings all the time.  Feelings are like the weather, they come and they go.  If you spend your time paying attention to them, then you become their prisoner.  You will have pleasant feelings at one moment and unpleasant feelings at another, but you will always have a clear set of things that need to be done.  Your job is to focus on the things to be done and put your full attention on them.  Let the feeling come and go as they please.  Notice that they are present, but keep your attention fully on the job at hand.  If that is washing the dishes, then you need to pay attention to the dishes and making sure that each dish gets its loving share of your full attention.  Each dish was made for you.  Each dish was bought for you at some expense through somebody's labor, and you respect that love and attention by maintaining the dish as completely and as thoroughly as you can in the few moments you have to give your full mind to it.  When that dish is done, there is another.

     The same may be said for gardening, taking a shower, walking, listening, eating, almost anything you have in front of you.  The buddhists call this quality of attention "mindfulness."  When you find yourself spending time with emotions that pull you away from yourself and your world and the decent treatment of yourself and the other people in that world, that is a marvelous moment because you have woken up and have become aware of what you are doing ("I am worrying,"  or some other such thing) and at that moment you can ask yourself, what can I do instead?
Can I mow the lawn?  Can I peel the vegetables?  Can I go for a walk?  Can I take a shower?  What are the things that I can do and put my whole attention into?

     The likelihood is that you are doing just fine as you are, however, O Onion, and that you need do nothing else.  If you want to know more about any of these things, you might try finding out more about them on the web, though.  I've only scratched the surface.  You can probably google Thought Stopping directly.  If you want to find out more about the cognitive techniques, you might try googling Cognitive Therapy or Cognitive errors or some such; you might also try David Burns, who's an M.D. who's written about the subject.  About the Zen material, you could try googling the subject "Mindfulness" or "Right Mindfulness."

     Hope this isn't too much too fast.  Hope some of it's useful.  Yours, BobK.

      

          
Falling rain
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3 posted 07-20-2008 05:36 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I'd have to agree with Bobk a little..

But here's what I think.

Even though when you make origami it does calm you down for the moment it doesn't heal your pain... You just keeping your mind off the subject (or emotion) and ignoring it.. By doing this your solving nothing.. You should think about the problum your facing or emotions and find the reason why this is..

Keep a leveled head and stay calm about it...

Write down your thoughts; question yourself.. Then take a break and come back to those questions and write down as many possabliltys or options as you can..

Try this out.. Tell me what you think?

Best of luck,
Zach

d(^.^)b

"When you cried I wiped away all your tears.
" When you screaed I'd fight away all of your fears..
And I held your hand through all of these years

sandgrain
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since 09-21-1999
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Sycamore, IL, USA


4 posted 07-27-2008 11:28 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

I offer 2 thoughts on this:
1) That is the making of good poetry.  Get your feelings in writing and explore them. Example: "I'm feeling so all alone right now, ready to burst into tears.  Maybe it's because my company left this morning or it might be because it's cloudy and dark."

2) We have to feel the way we feel because we do what we do rather than do what we do becsuse we feel like we feel.  Emotions are great cars on our life's train, but disasterous engines.

Rae
sandgrain
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5 posted 08-26-2008 06:38 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

As I reread this, I thought perhaps  catagorizing the emotional thoughts might be of some help.  It is with worries and I'd imagine these emotions stem from worries in a way.  

If I'm worried about a storm on the day our family picnic is planned, worried about how many will show up, and whether or not I'll apprear acceptable to most of them, it'll hamper my work and plans.  

I can't do anything about the weather, so I'll just change my attitude to make the best of whatever occurs.  If other family members choose not to come, the only way I can change that is by changing my approach to them.  Whether or not I'll apprear acceptable is the only thing I have direct control over, so I'll smile and welcome them as best I know how.  These catagories are:
NO control, Indirect control, and direct control.

Hope there's some help here.

God bless,
  Rae
xsaamaanthaax
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since 11-28-2008
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USA, Arizona.


6 posted 11-28-2008 02:55 AM       View Profile for xsaamaanthaax   Email xsaamaanthaax   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for xsaamaanthaax

Dealing with things is hard. Some peopel ahve diffrent emotions and diffrent coping ways. In my opinion, Its a good thing you do those its better than what most people do, Go out and get high to conver up the emotions. It's healthy coping what you do. I suggest you keep doing what your doing. It's also a good idea to share with someone you trust and a counselor what you are feeling. Because what you are feeling is okay to feel. i'm acaully getting my degree in counseling, so if you ever  need to talk email me. samanthadeann11@hotmail.com
grandia3
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since 02-13-2009
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7 posted 02-13-2009 08:19 PM       View Profile for grandia3   Email grandia3   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for grandia3

whenever I'm feeling such a strong emotion, I always share it with my closest friends.
they don't always give you advice though, but having someone listen to you is really relieving, at least for me, you can try it =D

visit my blogs for poems
http://poemscol.blogspot.com/
updated regularly

ramisf
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since 05-17-2007
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8 posted 02-20-2009 02:15 PM       View Profile for ramisf   Email ramisf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ramisf

sometimes when i am sad and depressed i write poems. we can found ourselves by starting to think about ourselves. think about how much you have in your life... how many lovely moments we passed through. if it happened that we were in a bad mood because of a problem we encounter, think how silly all the problems are. the only think that deserves worrying about is life. which is a virtue we have and nothing can compensate the life we have. so my friend think about your life before it is too late

ramisf
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since 05-17-2007
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9 posted 02-20-2009 02:17 PM       View Profile for ramisf   Email ramisf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ramisf

sometimes when i am sad and depressed i write poems. we can found ourselves by starting to think about ourselves. think about how much you have in your life... how many lovely moments we passed through. if it happened that we were in a bad mood because of a problem we encounter, think how silly all the problems are. the only think that deserves worrying about is life. which is a virtue we have and nothing can compensate the life we have. so my friend think about your life before it is too late

Penwing
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since 07-27-2009
Posts 73
Waverly, MN


10 posted 07-28-2009 11:25 PM       View Profile for Penwing   Email Penwing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Penwing

Mine is quite simple Put headphones on press play and forget the world that my advice....works for me


     May the stars guide you,
         ,penwing
crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


11 posted 07-30-2009 01:34 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

I think I know what you mean.  I don't know if I've been uptight lately or what, but everything is getting to me.  I guess I'm not the only one...  
Susan Caldwell
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since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


12 posted 07-30-2009 10:39 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

I have spent a lifetime trying to control my emotions and when I discovered I couldn't "control" them, I decided hiding them was the next best thing since in my mind, emotion, especially "negative" emotion is a weakness and I just couldn't have that.  Being female I feel it's even more important not to portray myself as an "emotional female."

I am older and wiser now but still try very hard to hide my feelings.  This has caused me to manifest physically.  I.e. stomach aches and headaches.  It's a battle I am finding myself tired of fighting.  

So, I decided instead of hiding my feelings I would just not allow myself to feel them in the first place.   and that hasn't been working out so well for me either.

Last time I got upset I got a tattoo of Mickey flippin' the world off...on my right butt cheek.  

Anyway, I guess I don't have any real answers for how to handle emotion....

I work out a lot. Maybe that is a good way.

*shrug* I just don't know.

and Bob?  This: "Mostly these thoughts are, if the feelings are depressing or anxiety provoking or unbearably scary, a result of some sort of incorrect thinking."

I disagree with.  incorrect thinking?  I just have a hard time swallowing that.  I know someone that is very jealous and paranoid.  Know why?  Because their spouse cheats on them.  The paranoia causes anxiety and is depressing and scary for them.  I don't think their thinking is incorrect.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Mysteria
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13 posted 07-30-2009 12:52 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I have to agree with Susan on all counts, and am the proud owner of a new dragonfly on my person   and I am 64.

You have to feel emotions, not stuff them somewhere.  Part of the process of casting off negative emotions is to "feel them," and learn from the experience, but quickly move on.  Hopefully we eventually become smart enough to never do that thing again, but there will be others.

Feelings just are, you can't control them, and by trying to stuff them down, they just build up to a dangerous level and that isn't good for you or anyone. We are always going to have ups and downs, but they are OUR ups and downs, and they will pass. I find the best healer for me in walking outside in the fresh air, and its good for you too.

I wish you happiness.  
Yoinn
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since 08-16-2007
Posts 631
Michigan


14 posted 08-02-2009 10:58 AM       View Profile for Yoinn   Email Yoinn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Yoinn's Home Page   View IP for Yoinn

As in most things, it is a balance that needs to be achieved. give your problem a honest look, gain what insight you can. accept that life is a roller coaster and you will always have to deal with that. Then finally look into a mirror and tell yourself...let it go. The more you can overcome the better you get at doing this, thus making the ride a bit more smooth. Often to much thought and attention just escalates a problem. Know when to let it go.

Yoin

Yoin
 
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