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Passions in Poetry

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

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sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


0 posted 06-06-2007 11:13 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain



I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all
right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count
that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.
hunnie_girl
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Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


1 posted 06-07-2007 12:48 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

hehe that is pretty funny. A long lot of stuff to read tho. thanx for sharing
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


2 posted 06-07-2007 12:55 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


3 posted 06-07-2007 01:24 AM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


4 posted 06-07-2007 09:03 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Smiling here...I so enjoy the wit that bring these into being.

Thanks for sharing, Rae!

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 03-16-2007
Posts 2907
Los Angeles California


5 posted 06-14-2007 12:35 AM       View Profile for Drauntz   Email Drauntz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Drauntz

love to read those one line humor.

thank you!
 
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