In your dreams
Hey, I will be the first to admit I am crazy, but the last to admit I use that as a crutch (Which is the truth).
There are truths about me that I am yet to find, But overall my anxiety leaves me feeling lonely. Before I wrote what I am about to tell you, I was going to complain about my loneliness. Its almost Ironic comparing the child to the adult. One can ask them selves "IF" I really grew up or down. My hope and desire is that anyone who reads this, especially teenagers can learn from me and learn to never question your worth.
In collage, there is an increase of anxiety toward dating. Often to the point where girls will have sex/make out/massive sudden attachment (depends on the girl) with some random guy, because "they were kind of hot" or takes interest in them. When I say random, I mean its a party, and you saw this guy from your old H.S and you never talked in high school. It is not unusual for this to happen on a weekly bases. Now These girls don't do it because they are out for fun. No this is much different than the cultural revolution in the mid 60's these girl, like my self, Are searching for something to hold on to.
I know this world all to well. It’s the world I blindly let myself fall into, like several other women my age. We are the fearful ones. Afraid to be in a relationship and afraid not to be in one. Fear does funny things to our minds while causing intimacy to elude us. The worst part of it, is our culture uses this to tell us what relationships are like and what we have to do to keep them. Soap operas become examples on how to live our lives.
Who could blame us? Our parents were hippies. As much as we love them, many baby boomers spoiled there children rotten. By misinterpreting the how to raise children guides, many of our parents were to spoiled to raise children. Therefore inconsistent parenting lead to offspring fighting feeling of insecurity and worthlessness. Many of us try to find security by spending, or even finding that special someone. But this is all illusion both men and women suffer.
Desperately clinging on to what ever we can call a rock, we end up losing more than what we give. One could ask, “what on earth would cause some one to allow this to happen to themselves.” Anxiety keeps us from seeing it. We are blind, not in denial. Something which is hidden from both the public and ourselves.
So here is my confession. I suffer so much. All my friends leave me in the end, and I become the bad guy. So I push people away and my loneliness pulls them to close to fast. Most of this is me. I realize I am vulnerable and afraid, but most of all how I am not the only one, because all of my friends seem to be the same way. This is not just me, but a growing problem.
So teenagers and peers I want you to know something. I want you to know that these feelings you have of anxiety and fear is something you need to take care of. What causes this? Simple unstable childhood. It happens, but you have an opportunity. It is important my friends, to establish your identity when you are young and continue on for the rest of you life.
Establishing your identity means knowing: who you are, were you came from, who you were, what you want to be, who others want you to be, what you do to make you who you are, and your morals.
Once you establish this you must never stray to far, because your identity is something that is yours. we own our identities and it is our responsibility to maintain it. My hope is my generation will realize the importance of not only respecting others but our selves as well. My dream is my fellow women and men can all carry on as confident individuals and live happy and fulfilling lives. That we will not be the products of our environments, but make our environments the products of who we are. Refusing to think about our lives is equivalent to not caring about it. Lets together become another great generation like out great-grandfathers who fought for our happiness. Lets live life.
-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos
[This message has been edited by Juju (03-02-2007 05:43 PM).]