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My Great Confession

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Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


0 posted 02-28-2007 03:38 AM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

Hey, I will be the first to admit I am crazy, but the last to admit I use that as a crutch (Which is the truth).

There are truths about me that I am yet to find, But overall my anxiety leaves me feeling lonely.  Before I wrote what I am about to tell you, I was going to complain about my loneliness.  Its almost Ironic comparing the child to the adult.  One can ask them selves "IF" I really grew up or down.  My hope and desire is that anyone who reads this, especially teenagers can learn from me and learn to never question your worth.

In collage, there is an increase of anxiety toward dating.  Often to the point where girls will have sex/make out/massive sudden attachment (depends on the girl) with some random guy, because "they were kind of hot" or takes interest in them.  When I say random, I mean its a party, and you saw this guy from your old H.S and you never talked in high school.  It is not unusual for this to happen on a weekly bases.  Now These girls don't do it because they are out for fun.  No this is much different than the cultural revolution in the mid 60's these girl, like my self, Are searching for something to hold on to.

I know this world all to well. It’s the world I blindly let myself fall into, like several other women my age. We are the fearful ones.  Afraid to be in a relationship and afraid not to be in one.  Fear does funny things to our minds while causing intimacy to elude us.  The worst part of it, is our culture uses this to tell us what relationships are like and what we have to do to keep them.  Soap operas become examples on how to live our lives.  

Who could blame us? Our parents were hippies.  As much as we love them, many baby boomers spoiled there children rotten.  By misinterpreting the how to raise children guides, many of our parents were to spoiled to raise children. Therefore inconsistent parenting lead to offspring fighting feeling of insecurity and worthlessness.  Many of us try to find security by spending, or even finding that special someone.  But this is all illusion both men and women suffer.

Desperately clinging on to what ever we can call a rock, we end up losing more than what we give.  One could ask, “what on earth would cause some one to allow this to happen to themselves.”  Anxiety keeps us from seeing it.  We are blind, not in denial.   Something which is hidden from both the public and ourselves.

So here is my confession.  I suffer so much.  All my friends leave me in the end, and I become the bad guy.  So I push people away and my loneliness pulls them to close to fast.  Most of this is me.  I realize I am vulnerable and afraid, but most of all how I am not the only one, because all of my friends seem to be the same way.  This is not just me, but a growing problem.

So teenagers and peers I want you to know something.  I want  you to know that these feelings you have of anxiety and fear is something you need to take care of. What causes this?  Simple unstable childhood.  It happens, but you have an opportunity.  It is important my friends, to establish your identity when you are young and continue on for the rest of you life.  

Establishing your identity means knowing: who you are, were you came from, who you were, what you want to be, who others want you to be, what you do to make you who you are, and your morals.  

Once you establish this you must never stray to far, because your identity is something that is yours.  we own our identities and it is our responsibility to maintain it.  My hope is my generation will realize the importance of not only respecting others but our selves as well.  My dream is my fellow women and men can all carry on as confident individuals and live happy and fulfilling lives.  That we will not be the products of our environments, but make our environments the products of who we are.  Refusing to think about our lives is equivalent to not caring about it. Lets together become another great generation like out great-grandfathers who fought for our happiness.   Lets live life.

  

  



-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (03-02-2007 05:43 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 02-28-2007 04:54 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

What I'm about to say to you may sound like advice, but itsn't really.

RELAX.

You'll have to eventually anyhow--it's freaking exhausting to keep doin' what you are doing.

I think I told you a long time ago, if you can find your passion, right now--and I mean, a passion that serves the inside of you while serving the outside of others, you are way ahead.

Don't worry about what others are doing.

Just...don't worry about it.

If I could go back to college, where you are now? I would do what I'm telling you.

And I might have failed, and I also might be a very happy anthropology geek. (And whose to say I might not be a very happy octogenarian anthropology geek? grin...)

I just wish for you that you would go out there and greet the world with some hope and optimism and yeah, just delight.

We need stuff like that.

Love will find you.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


2 posted 02-28-2007 12:51 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Juju,
First, I'd like to say how courageous I believe your post is. Second, I want to make sure (if I haven't done it before) that I apologize if, in the past, I have hurt your feelings. Third, while I'm far from a teenager, I use to be one and while I have no experience at some of what you have revealed I have intense experience at the emotional part that you have confessed. And to that part I am persuaded it is mostly issues of transition from youth to adulthood and dependence to independence. I would compare it to the bird kicked out of its nest for the first time. I imagine nothing but sheer terror while falling towards the ground. Learning to fly is a frighenting experience.

You, dear girl are a brave and candid woman and continue to garner my respect. Please know that my opinion is not meant to diminish or refute your position but hopefully to add an additional perspective.

P.S. I had no idea Karen is an octogenarian!
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


3 posted 03-02-2007 02:03 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

Juju, are you majoring in psycology?  While you're to be admired for standing your moral grounds and encouraged to continue, don't try to analize everything. Lighten up a bit and just enjoy the company of others.  As you persue your studies and explore your talents, talking to others about theirs, you'll broaden your interests and be more interesting to others.
You sound like a gal who really takes things to heart and worries about having a circle of true friendship.  Some I was so close with in school, seemed uninterested in hearing from me forever, some for years, and only 2 made strides to keep in touch.  Now in my 70's, I've heard from 3 former school friends who've looked me up.  Things and times change as do we all.  Enjoy life a little more and don't worry if it seems someone has no interest in you.  I'm sure you've met nice people you have no interest in, too.  

God bless,
   Rae
Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


4 posted 03-02-2007 05:41 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

Nope engineering.  This is actually not me being angry at friends.  Just about my problems with anxiety.

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

HeatWaver69
New Member
since 03-05-2007
Posts 4


5 posted 03-06-2007 12:38 PM       View Profile for HeatWaver69   Email HeatWaver69   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HeatWaver69

I find that Crazy is a term normal people use to define creative or eccentric people sometimes. Crazy can be good, based on how you define your place in this world. The pressures society places on us as a whole are based on this physical world and are  superficial. Strive to be an individual, don't blend in, blend out!
 
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