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Passions in Poetry

Enmity

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Mr. Omniscient
Member
since 10-28-2006
[First Post] 134


0 posted 10-29-2006 12:32 AM       View Profile for Mr. Omniscient   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mr. Omniscient

This is just a poem I wrote awhile ago. I wanted to get someone's opinion on it. Don't take it offensive.

Enmity

Iíll tell you thisÖ
You should stand in your little corner of hatred where youíre fitted,
If you are to walk in the world I live in and not be stepped on like the trash you are
Donít be so bizarre
Or go somewhere far.

Stop switching up your style to fit in; end the illusions!
Your attitude is scheduled for an execution.
Youíre only an intrusion.
You and trash have so far of a fusion,
The resemblance causes confusion;
You make so many accusations.
Iím starting to lose my patience
Youíre responsible for your actions.
Youíre a fraction of satisfaction.
Youíre so far lower than dirt that I wonder why you donít get hurt sitting in the middle of the Earth.

Youíre so simplistic and unrealistic that I could write everything that you do in statistics.
Iíve developed so strong of an enmity; that I think I need a remedy.
Get out of my face I can smell your disgrace.
Race is not the case nor is it his friends or his place;
Itís his need to be rude; his ability to create a feudÖ
You know whatÖ Leave here now youíre killing the mood.
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


1 posted 10-29-2006 06:22 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

I enjoyed reading your poem but this is just a 'talk' forum.  More will see it and respond if you move it to 'open poetry' forum or one of the others.

Welcome to passions!

   Rae
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


2 posted 10-29-2006 11:40 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

i liked this it had an attidude, yes very good... but yes again i will look for your poems in other forums as well...oh and WELCOME TO PASSIONS
hunnie


A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~
Mr. Omniscient
Member
since 10-28-2006
Posts 134


3 posted 10-30-2006 07:42 AM       View Profile for Mr. Omniscient   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mr. Omniscient

Thanks!
Kira Aso
Member
since 09-26-2006
Posts 350
Closer to Hell...


4 posted 10-30-2006 01:32 PM       View Profile for Kira Aso   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kira Aso


Welcome to Passions!
(Hugs and Hershey bars for the new member!)

First: This poem was totally awesome!
Secound: You should post this in dark poetry #4. (Or in Open Poetry #39) You'll get good reviews either way.
Third: I hope to see more of you're poetry soon!

Lots of Luve
~Kira
 
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